Help great husband but doesn't show any

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Help great husband but doesn't show any
Sun, 04-20-2003 - 11:56pm
Affection or give me any attention accept in bed. I am very in love with him, and I do know he feels the same, but he has a very hard time showing it. He is a super guy and we've been married ten years. This is my first marriage and his second. His first marriage was very loveless, neither of them showed any affection toward each other from the beginning. He was married quite a few years, and I believe because of that marriage, he lost the ability to be close and intimate, other than sex. We have an amazing sex life, but I need him to show me his love in other ways, not just sex. I've brought it up to him and he agree's with me that he does have trouble getting intimate, and truly tries to do better, but that only lasts a few days, then things go back to normal. I feel like I'm being petty, but I can't imagine living the rest of my life only being touched, kissed, and held by my husband in bed. The worst part of that senario being, after sex he rolls over on his stomach (like most men do) and never touches me again.

Now to my question: am I being rediculous? Am I asking for something that in the grand scheme of things is a small deal, and I should be happy with what I have? Or if anyone could give me any suggestions to try to work on this with him I'd be so appriciative. I so love him and want to be happy in our lives together, we have two beautiful children and are a happy family. What do you guys think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 5:23pm
Well it sounds like he's willing to try, he might not know how. You will probably have to take the initiative and he'll start. For example, when he's on the couch, sit down in front of him on the floor and ask for a neck rub or a head massage. Tell him how great it makes you feel while he's doing it. Play games that lift the spirits and bet things like, "If I win, you have to give me a big hug and kiss".

My wife and I started playing "slugbug" in the car and the person with the most slugbugs wins something fun at the end of the trip. We kind of expanded the game to include: "Whack-Whack Cadilac", "Bruiser Cruiser", "Vicious Volvo", "Owie Audi", and "Bam-Bam Mini Van". We end up laughing our heads off, rubbing our arms, and being more lovey just from something small like that. We also have Trivial Pursuit at home that we play best three-out-of-five and the winner gets a foot massage, backrub, ...all kinds of things.