Help I think I ruined things!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Help I think I ruined things!
6
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 1:20pm

Awhile back I posted about a man from my past. Long story short he was not blowing me off. We worked things out and he's been great! The thing is he has a very demanding job and is going through changes in his position and has been working tons of hours. He also travels for his job. We had our first date last weekend and it was wonderful. We have been in touch constantly. He is due to go away for two weeks for his job on Monday. We both expressed how we wished to get together this weekend but because of his going away he has to prepare and just doesn't have the time. I promised I'd be understanding but I also really wanted to see him again...so I pushed. He came back and said...I told you it would be hard. I tried apologizing for being overbearing but he has not responded. Also I had sent him an email earlier in the day prior to all this expressing my wish for him to be more expressive with me like he was building up to our date. Again all in my head and pushing. He read that...no response. I am so afraid I did everything possible to ruin things with him and push him away. I want to apologize to him again and again and tell him how sorry I am for saying the things I said but I know right now it would only make things worse. How I wish I could go back 24 hours and take this all away :( I don't know what to do. I really don't want to lose what was a good beginning. Did I ruin things with him? What can I do? I'm so sad :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 05-18-2011 - 7:55pm
Absolutely. You can email me through my profile :-)

Like I said, if a guy can't cut you a little slack, it's not worth it. Glad he's cutting you some slack, remember to return the favor '-)

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Avatar for beautneon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Tue, 05-17-2011 - 10:40pm

Well to my surprise I haven't ruined anything. I'm still not sure why he hadn't talked to me in that time but we talked today. He told me it would take a lot more than that to chase him away :)

Yes I admit I do have insecurities and I'm very well aware how I CAN easily ruin things. I am working very hard to change these ways. I don't want to lose what I think could be a very good thing :)

Thanks for everyone's support.

Avatar for beautneon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 8:26pm

Thanks for everyone's advice. Sandradee is there any way I can email you? I would like to ask you a few more questions on your advice. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 4:53pm
The only thing you can do at this point is to not say or do anything more, becuase it is all just too much. Every tiny little thing you do to "make it better" will invariably end up making it worse.

So the best thing whenever a situation like this arises (because face it, you can't change overnight) is to stop, let go, get out of your head, breeeeeeeeathe, focus back on you and on all the things you need to do in your own life, and let him come back in his own time. If it turns out that he doesn't cut you at least a little slack, then really there's no point in continuing to date him because again, while you may improve yourself, you're not going to change overnight.

You do, however, need to work on this yourself because this tendency to push is only going to end up ruining things in your relationships over and over, so learn to manage this now so you can actually enjoy a romantic relationship.

It's probably not the end of the world so it's a good idea to stop acting like it is '-)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2008
Mon, 05-16-2011 - 12:50am

Women in thier fear tend to grasp hard. Grab a wet bar of soap and squeeze...what happens...and thats the same thing that happens with men the harder we try to hang on in our fear they pull away. So if what you are doing is making him pull away stop doing it. I dont know if you have ruined it or not but STOP!! If you hear fromhim it wont be until after he is done doing is business thing. men dont multi task that way. And after one date you ae to wrapped up...date date date OTHER GUYS and go have fun. Dont worry about finding the one or this guy ....just go have fun!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 05-14-2011 - 7:55pm

Beautneon, here's the link to your previous post Has he changed his mind

When I read your title, I thought it can't be that bad.