Help me understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Help me understand
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 12:58am
When a man, after dating 5 months, tells you 'he doesn't feel that you and he are match on the personality level', what does that really mean? Does it mean we are too similar and want someone more different because it's boring or is he looking for someone more similar because we are so different.

Edited 9/22/2010 2:07 am ET by trustlove8
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 3:13am

Trust love, it could indicate either of what you have said and many other things as well. It could indicate that you have unmatched morals and ethics. It could be about mismatched ambition. Perhaps he finds you too clingy or too aloof. Perhaps you talk too much or not enough. And any number of other things too.

Truth be told, the only thing which matters is that he doesn't see you in his future.

sorry I can't be more positive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 2:45pm
It means that he is not feeling it! Basic he wants to change the rules or wants out!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 3:34pm

It means he doesn't want you. Specifics don't matter... After five months of dating he has decided that he doesn't want a relationship with you. Any attempt on your behalf to change this would mean you are being dishonest with yourself about who you are.

It will be best for you to find a man who is really happy being in a relationship with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 4:24pm

I'd say it means that he doesn't want to continue with the relationship. Time to let go and move on.

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"Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest,
It's about those who came and never left your side ...."

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Wed, 09-22-2010 - 7:56pm
He's being totally honest without going into details - it doesn't make a difference in what it is - cus he is not telling you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 09-23-2010 - 1:24am

Trustlove, here's a link to a message you wrote on another board with details of your break up. You will find posters can give you far better advice if they know more story

To be honest, all the reasons he gave you are the same reasons why he doesn't want to continue a relationship with you. You have the answers you seek, now you just need to accept it.

You also wrote >>Now, after much thought, I wasn't strong enough to fight for us then. To respond in a positive manner, to reassure him that we could have worked things out<<

I want to reassure you that you have done nothing wrong by simply accepting his breakup. Breakups are hard enough without having to deal with the other party wanting to fight for it. It just means more tears and explanations in order to get the message about being 'finished' through.