Help Plz OMG!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Help Plz OMG!!!
4
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:27pm

So short story me and my Bf of 7 yrs, have been broken up for a month now. He never reached out to me until just yesterday. He came back to my house and told me he still loved me wanted to be with me but cant get over an incident that happen over 1 yr ago.

(in ref to that story) He broke up with me during that time he would come over randomly and was very forward about being with other women, and that I needed to move on. So i did well not actually just had a one night stand well my luck have it he came over that night and caught me in the act. After that incident he never really got over me sleeping with someone else even though he made it VERY clear he had moved on. SOOOOO...fast forward to yesterday well he told me he that becuase of that incident he cant help but treat me bad and not show me the affection I desrved. Welll he said he needs time to heal and still loves me and we'll make it work, in short time. That was yesterday.

So today i was at work , he stopped by(never does)asked me to step outside and confronted me about our recent time apart this past month. He said i needed to be honest that he loves me and that if I tell him the truth whether I had slept with anyone while we were apart?? At first I didn't want to be honest I only slept with one guy during our recent break up and it was after 20 days of no contact. But then my ex said this morning he went in my trash while I was at work and found condoms. He said it was in your trash can and in your trash bag he said don't worry i love you and wont leave you I just need to know the truth that i need to be honest if were going to make this work. So i had to come clean.

Well he lied as soon as I told him Now he hates me and says he wants nothing to do with me that Im a sl*t. And that during this past month he held out. He was so upset he literally ran away.

What am I to do I love him and even though he came back to me yesterday he still didnt take me back 100% he needed time. Iw as so scared to tell him about my recent sleep over becuase I already knew how he feels about the last time which was last yr end of june. So of course I didn't want to tell him but ha no choice. I feel very tricked and lied to and now i feel like how can i save this relationship???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:49pm

I feel very tricked and lied to and now i feel like how can i save this relationship???


One of these things is not like the other ...


If you feel tricked & lied to ... why would you WANT to save it?


So he can be two

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 4:51pm

If I read your post right, the times you had sex with someone else, you and your b/f were broken up?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2010
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 8:03pm

Yes you did read my post right. Every time i slept with anyone else which was only twice!!! during this whole 7 yrs!!! was when he broke up with me!! I actually waited almost a full month before I had this last one night stand. I'm sure that doesn't matter to him, despite what I have been thru with him when we were actually in a committed relationship..

Reason we broke up a month ago is becuase he was not giving me the love i needed actually affection plus other stuff back and forth type things. Apparently yesterday he said its becuase he was still not over what happened a yr ago and he wanted to get over those insecurtites before getting back with me becuase he didn't want to be with me while having these thoughts eat him up. I was very understanding. HE consoled me and assured me he loved me as I consoled him too and re-assured him that I love him too we agreed we wanted to be with each other as soon as he was ready to let go of that drama from over a yr ago.

But then BAM he comes to my job with that drama this morning and tricked me into fessing up with hopes that he just needed the honesty and tricked me into believing all would be okay if I was honest it hurt to believe him after he tricked me....he only said those things to get the truth out of me for what??? so he can hang this drama over my head for another yr???

Im very hurt and to all dismay I still love him dearly. Seeing him runaway crying was painful. Guess I just need the reassurance That im not crazy for feeling like I did nothing wrong. Yes it was crazy on his part to go thru trash etc but again we weren't together I feel very sad to think me not being with him when I did these things makes no difference in how he percives me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-16-2010 - 8:26pm

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!!

And also... Please understand this: It's okay to love him. It's okay to feel sad or hurt. Accept that you're entitled to your feelings, no matter what they are - They belong to you alone and no one has the right to tell you that you're wrong for feeling whatever way you feel.

"he only said those things to get the truth out of me for what??? so he can hang this drama over my head for another yr???"

Yes. Exactly. I believe he will hold this over your head for as long as you choose to stay with him, because it gives him the upper hand in the relationship and the person with the upper hand is the person who single-handedly controls and manipulates the relationship itself. You will continue to be manipulated if you stay. He's not going to give that up.

So you can love him and feel sad, but you also need to accept that this is a relationship that needs to end because it is not good and pure and honest. He tricked you and lied to you. He had no business knowing if you slept with someone else when you weren't together. He's using this as a platform to get into a relationship with you where you feel so beaten-down and guilty that you'll think he's doing you a favor by coming back. You didn't do anything worth feeling remorseful over. Hold your head high and walk away from him.