Helping guy open up
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|Mon, 03-01-2010 - 1:49pm|
I've been dating a guy for almost three months, and on the whole it is going very well. He is thoughtful, intelligent and good company. I feel cherished by him the way I had not felt in a long time.
My concern is that I want him to feel comfortable talking to me, not just "doing things" with me. I think he wants to "open up" but doesn't know how. He is a widower and although it's been some three years since his bereavement, he is still, I think, recovering from his loss.
One thing he has mentioned is that his ex-wife was the person he confided in, his closest friend. But beyond that, I know nothing about her (not even her hair color). I don't want intimate details, but I'd like to have a sense of what kind of person she was. (He's described his mother, his father, his cousin, his children--but never his late wife.) I believe that it would be healthy for both of us if he talked to me about her the way he talks about his late mother or his former girlfriend.
How can I encourage his opening up without seeming to pry or to pressure him? I am a "talker," but he is not. I do know how to be quiet, but I am not always good at asking "leading" questions that will convey interest but not pressure.
Again, I am not trying to pry. If he isn't ready to talk, that is fine. I just want to make sure that I am not (unintentionally) discouraging him from talking. I fear he may be worried that if he tells me about her I will feel jealous or something. How can I convey to him that this is far from being the case?