His actions vs. his words??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
His actions vs. his words??
13
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 4:46pm

We always say action speak louder than words... But post-break-up, what do we listen to??


I've been dealing with the aftermath of a break-up for 5 months.

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 5:03pm

Most likely, he doesn't say it because he likes the casual no pressure situation he has with you and he doesn't want that to change, and he's afraid if he's straightforward with you, you'll move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 5:03pm

Don't wait for him to make a decision. YOU make it. He's shown you what you can expect from him, so you decide whether you can live with that, or you end things permanently.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 9:28pm

I was kind of confused when you said he'd broken up with you yet you continued to spend time with him over the next five months, but then had a blow up with him when he didn't say he wasn't sleeping with others? So then did you ignore his breaking up with you, and just figure if you still slept with him then he was back with you? But you said you knew he wasn't with you... Okay I'm completely confused over that but I do sense some denial or refusal to accept or something like that on your part.


I agree with the others, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Be careful not to take it for more than it is, he has NOT invited you back into his life on an exclusive basis, correct? He simply would rather if you get back into line, always available, and then he can also do whatever he wants. Coming over all kissy when you're about to dump him does NOT mean he wants you for anything but second choice, an option to keep around for when he doesn't feel like going out. It's not really that complimentary, right?


I don't think this game of his is nice at all. I would not accept his unspoken but no less real invitation to become PART of his stable of lovers. He's not that good, is he?


You know what you need to make

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 9:53pm

I understand what you are all saying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 10:19pm

I think he genuinely has feelings for you. He likes you and he likes sex with you and the comfort of a familiar place and person. Not necessarily a bad guy. However, I think it's clear he doesn't love you ENOUGH. And that's the bottom line and the hurtful truth, it's

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 11:19pm

Trying to figure him out is going to keep you stuck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 1:49pm

I agree with the last two posters. Total waste of time trying to figure him out unless you are a trained psychologist. Even then it's just a waste of time and energy. He doesn't love you. If he did he wouldn't do the things he did. You give him all the " benefits" so why would he leave. If he had any integrity and was a Gentleman he would have told you that you couldn't sleep together. Being friends does not = sharing bodies! I broke up with a woman and she asked if we could still sleep together. I said NO. He should have said the same. It's just desperation on your part having sex with him. You think it will keep him and turn the situation around. Never does! He keeps tabs on you because no man wants to have sex with a woman that is having sex with other men. If he knew that he would drop you like a hot rock!


He's playing you like a violin and only you can stop it. I don't know about you but I sure wouldn't want to be played like this. ( You knows who HE has slept with and what diseases he has now). If you think he isn't sleeping with other women then you better wake up and smell the coffee. Remember We allow other to treat us the way we want to be treated. Tell to take a hike!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2009
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 3:44pm
I agree with the other members on here. You already know what you have to do, don't complicate it anymore than it needs to be. It's simple, he doesn't love you. He's only sticking around because he's getting what he needs for now, and believe me when he finds someone new, all this is be over. I think you should save face and end it NOW. It's not your fault he doesn't love you. This has nothing to do with you. He broke up with you, so that's his problem. Think of it that way. You just have to find someone who will love you and wants to be with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 6:10pm

I appreciate all of your feedback, even though it has really made me think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Sun, 03-14-2010 - 6:48pm
it's good that you realize it now, and the only thing you have to do is act on it. he's using you obviously, and you're allowing it. so all you have to do is stop allowing him and take control of your life. you're only being treated how you allow people to treat you. so what are you going to do?

Pages