Hot Chick Syndrome

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Hot Chick Syndrome
15
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:10am
Okay! I have been seeing this guy for 6 weeks. But we've only been out 4 times (tho, we email each other alot). I felt he wasn't initiating enough for me - so I told him openly and honestly. He said, ah yes! you have the hot chick syndrome. Then he started opening doors for me, initiating kisses and all the good stuff I was wanting.

While we were bowling, there was a group of 6 guys in the lane next to us. When he went to the washroom, they started flirting with me. Of course, I flirted back :) I've been single for 6 yrs, its second nature now...and FUN! When my date came back...they continue to cheer my strikes...and hollered when I got 5 strikes in a row...which I realize now, kept the "flirting" going on even with my date there. But I never ignored my date! Or made eye contact with any of the other guys...that would be rude, IMO.

I also recently told him about my stalker friend. Guy I was friends with for years, fell in love and then kind of stalks me. He's harmless but I had to tell the guy I like in case he showed up somewhere unannounced...one guy didn't believe me he wasn't my bf!

So could this be why he thinks I have "hot chick syndrome"? Because I don't think of myself as "hot"...I am plain jane! And I thought when he said it, that it was a bad thing. So why would he start doing what I want? Is it a good thing?

I tried asking him, but he wasn't ready to "get into it". Another time...and I'm left wondering. I am a female, I can't help but analyze it ;-)!!

Thanks for your input, Go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 11:46am
Well, what he could be saying is that you have standards that exceed his...and for awhile he'll live up to your standards until he can bring you down to his level.

Think of it as if someone said "Oh, that is a race that YOU could never win, no matter what"....and then you aspired to it, you pursued that win....and you did it. Where does that leave the naysayer....at least 40 yards off your wake and losing, that's where!



Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 12:08pm
If I understand his comment correctly...and someone let me know if they think I am off base...

It's the story of the prettiest girl in school who sat home on prom night because the guys were too scared to ask her or thought she would say, "no" to them. Apparently, this guy think you are beautiful and didn't want to push himself on you out of fear of being too amorous...like a kid in a candy store with $100.00 and no parent around to tell him he can't get whatever he wants...he's not sure how to act. So now that you told him, "It's okay...I like to play kissy face", he's on you like stink on a monkey.

What this points to is a lack of self confidence with you. At any point in time, you could say, "I don't want to see you", and it wouldn't surprise him one bit...he's already considering himself lucky to have with you what he has. Since you had nothing to say about the work of art that your parents made...you, to you, are just you. Why in the world would someone feel nervous about talking to you? To him, you are someone he probably never thought would be attracted to him.

Hopefully he'll start to feel better about himself and see you as an equal. Chances are he's putting you on a pedastal...and the fall from up there is usually a painful one.

Curtis

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 1:06pm
Like the others, I'm just guessing here. That phrase, does not have any inherent meaning to me, but I'll take a stab at it in the context you gave.

He was treating you like an equal. A friend, who he wants to get romantic with. With an equal, either of you are just as likely to initiate contact or open doors for each other. What you told him is "I think I should be special to you, and you should treat me as such".

So perhaps (and just a guess here), is that "Hot Chick Syndrome", could be the same as "wants to be treated like a princess". (substitute "lady", if princess is too negative a term for the reader)

You told him what you want, and he's doing it to keep seeing you.

Brokk...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:48pm
Agree w/ Brokk... You've only been on a couple of dates, but you already insist on his being more "initiating". 4 dates into a relationship, and you are already making demands or requests that his approach be different? Thus, the "hot chick syndrome". He doesn't want to discuss it w/ you either b/c he knows he shouldn't have told you. Also, another interpretation could be that you make requests that he be the perfect gentleman that has no problem w/ PDA or cuddling while you get to flirt and do whatever you want.

The stalker guy thing I just can't make any sense of... if he's bothering you (interrupting your relationships) tell him straight up to leave you alone b/c his actions are innapropriate! Don't keep him around just to boost your own esteem, and so that you have this "stalker friend" to talk about.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 2:58pm
Sounds to me like he thinks doing the things you and I would consider to be polite and courteous (and therefore par for the course) when you're on a date (like opening doors) are "high maintenance", and that you are stuck up and think you're hot because you expect to be treated with courtesy.

Sheri



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 6:50pm
I have one question...if this situation were reversed and he'd been doing the flirting, and when you returned from the restroom, he continued to do it....what would YOU have done?

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 8:20pm
A fair question. I've been with flirty guys and I have no problem with it. As long as I am not ignored and the boundary is reasonable. For instance, I never made eye or spoke to any of those guys...after a question about balls while date was in the w/room. I only realize now, my attempts at flirting with my date...may have encouraged them. But because my date had my FULL attention, I didn't think of it till later.

Geez whiz, guess I am going to have to keep working on that one tho. I used to be REALLY bad...

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-14-2003 - 9:45pm
Go,

Let me ask you to review something....in all of your dating history and relationships have you ever been with a charming, witty, flirtatious man? That extended those traits to every woman that served him as a waitress in a subtle way by "ordering for you" while staring at her, that gave him his change at the convenience store with bated breath because of the loving way he offer you something or touched your back - while staring at her and making her wish she was you, that had women falling over themselves in the produce section WITHOUT his instigating it because he appeared (and was) so knowledgeable about good fruits and vegetables and conversations ensued about dinners, which had candlelight in their minds on the table while looking across it at him!

If you haven't been with one of those "charming Italians or Spaniards" I highly recommend you give it a whirl. Especially here in the USA. Because when he does "nothing" and just his sultry looks, his accent, their association with his culture has them wringing wet from the eyes down...and he's then witty, and charming, and intelligent and flirtatious - you will cease to crave the attention of the entire spectrum of the male population wherever you go while justifying it as you were "only flirting with/dealing with your date". Sorry hon, but if you're aware at the time that you've got the entire room's attention - you ARE NOT just flirting with you date. YOu're flirting with your date (perhaps saying how studly and macho it makes him feel/appear) while getting all the attention you can grab from every corner.

And the day that table gets turned on you...and there's nothing you can do about it because he's done nothing technically wrong except an entire mall of women are literally hanging out of store openings, and following him down the concourse - you'll get the picture.

Not just about it'll make you mad at him for his lack of prioritization and attention to you for you'll have had his prioritization and attention....you'll see it for what it really is, the most subtle yet engineered plan to get all the attention to boost an already-inflated ego that is in constant need of a new supply of air due some self-esteem issues and this is his way of "dealing with that".

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 8:35am
I totally agree with this - when I am on a date, I will not flirt with other men - the only exception being if I know his male friends really well I will joke around with them and if a flirty remark is made by either of us - so be it - but that is only with the men I too have become friendly with and who are close with my boyfriend so the boundaries could not be clearer. I see my role when I am with my date to make him look as good as possible - as in, to show him the respect he deserves. To me, it is disrespectful to flirt with other men - better to err on the side of being too much in the background or even demure rather than being seen as the "fun/flirty" "hot chick". It depends on what your priorities are - him seeing you as a potential partner, or getting all the male attention so that he sees that you are desired by other men - if the latter actually works - i.e. increases his attention - that is probably an indication of his immaturity/lack of readiness for a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-15-2003 - 10:53am
Yes and no.

I want to agree with you about the attention thing b/c it does feel good. BUT. I don't wear makeup or revealing clothes b/c I am uncomfortable with it. So I am not sure about that.

As to the other comment - I have been with a Portugese and an Irish man who flirted exactly how you described. They always went home with me...so I wasn't too worried about it. I have never been the jealous type and I refuse to "compete" for men. You either want me or you don't...its really as simple as that for me.

I also think you are being a little harsh - like I said - I made NO eye contact and NO comments to these men. My date had my eye contact and my smiles. I was trying to flirt with him like I did on date 1, 2, & 3. Yes, in hindsight they could have been watching. Or it could have been my bowling - I did bowl over 170 every game! I am really good...maybe they were just impressed by my abilities! We don't know!

I AM fun and flirty. That is WHO I am. I will not pretend to be someone else...so why expect me to stop b/c other men are around? Pretend to be "demure" when I am anything but? I am outgoing...even sometimes loud...that is ME. Either I am accepted or not.

Yeah, you guessed it. He hasn't called me since. But if he's thinking like you - I don't care.

Go.

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