How can I help his security issues??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
How can I help his security issues??
11
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 9:45am

I have been with my boyfriend for 6 months and we've been living together for about 1 month.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 11:27am

There's nothing you can say or do to make him see it, he has to see it for himself.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 11:52am
You're so right... thanks so much for taking the time to write back... i really appreicate it :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 4:01pm
I agree. It is draining to be with someone who is insecure. That is why it is better to be older especially for males before commiting to someone. The only thing you can do is not do things you know that would make him feel insecure like talking to you male friend. Sounds hard but that is what it is going to take.
Frankly how well can you know someone after dating only 6 months. Big mistake moving in together. Now you see you have an insecure, needy, immature man. Not a good choice! When people live together they still act like two people. You are not commited to being one, a TEAM. If you were, he would not be so insecure and you would fell the need to talk to other men even though you know it makes him upset. You both only look out for yourselves and are not commited to the happiness of your mate. Seems to me that you are too immature. You seem overly concerned with looks.
So in short you cannot change him. You are totally powerless in this regard. Only he can change himself. He can be the best looking man on the planet but there is nothing sexy about someone who is jealous, needy and insecure
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2010
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 4:39pm

I think you're wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 5:34pm

The question is, is HE willing to work on his self-esteem issues?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Tue, 02-09-2010 - 7:51pm

Ok I'll use "your Logic". If you love him sooo much why would you continue to do something that causes him discomfort and heart ache. Talking to an old boyfriend? Is that LOVING? You see nothing wrong with that but you want to help him?


He loves you so much but cannot stand to see you talk to another man. Is that loving?


On both counts, NO. They are immature, needy, jealous and self absorbed. I've been in love with my wife the day I saw her. We have been married 20 years. Would I do anything to make her insecure like talk to another woman and SEE that it bothered her and still did it KNOWING that it bothered her? Not if you put a gun to my head. Are we ever jealous or insecure? No BECAUSE WE TRUST EACH OTHER? You want to marry someone who is jealous and insecure Go ahead. If he wants to marry someone who does things knowing it bothers him and makes him jealous but is too blind to see. He should go ahead.


If you REALLY loved him you would say you would not speak to the old boyfreind ever again. But since you see nothing wrong do what you want

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Thu, 02-11-2010 - 8:12pm

Hi z0ney...I was the insecure one in my relationship....I was always needing reassurance.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 12:05pm

Try this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 12:40pm

Try to see things from his point of view.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-15-2010 - 3:43pm
Try this. Put the shoe on the other foot. His ex. She's gorgeous.

Probably a good way of looking at it. The talking with ex seems to be clouding the issue.

The whole issue of should the OP talk to her ex or not depends on the context.

If's she's just having a short friendly more or less meaningless conversation with the ex, then fine, there is no problem and the b/f is insecure.

If the talk with the ex is filled with sexual tension and flirting then yeah, there is a problem and the b/f has a right to be insecure.

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