How to deal with an EX wife over this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2008
How to deal with an EX wife over this?
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 6:31am
My wife suggested that I write and ask for help on this message board therefore I am using her account:

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:00am

Ok so you want to accommodate the following people:
-Your wife, so she doesn't feel like she has to be subjected to your ex's whims
-Your son, who deserves your support of his achievement

The way I see it, you don't have to attend the party in order be a good dad. You told them it was inconvenient and they didn't make your attendance a priority - That sucks but you can work around it. Instead, how about you and your wife (and other kids if applicable) take your son to a celebratory dinner and give him a gift then?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 2:39pm



iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 4:18pm

I would try talking to your ex-wife as well. If the invitations haven't been sent out, it may still be possible to change the date. When you bring it up to her, I'd approach it from the angle of you're not sure if there was a misunderstanding. It sounds like there may have been. Even if you're sure there wasn't, saying there may have been allows her to save face and avoids needless drama.

She may not want to change the date when you talk to her, or there may be legitimate reasons why it would be inconvenient for her to do so at this point. I don't think you need to feel too bad about missing your son's graduation party if that happens. I bet your son will have friends at the party that he will want to spend all of his time with anyway. If he is anything like the 18 year old boys I know, he'll barely even notice if his parents are there.

It sounds like you already celebrated his graduation with him if you went out to dinner with the rest of the family on his graduation night. I don't think celebrating it with him again is necessary. If you really want to do more, though, then you and your wife can take him out to dinner again on another night. Offer to take him out to his favorite restaurant, and I'm sure you'll be forgiven for missing the party.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 4:32pm

I would try speaking to the ex. Ask her if there was some misunderstanding. You say that this is something that you're all planning together, yet she hasn't taken your dates available into consideration. That's not planning together. That's doing what she wants.

Has she done anything like this before? You're son knows this is not good for you and your current wife. Is it possible that you and she doing something with him prior to or after that?

If you want your wife to be with you, then you go to the beach with her and her family. Again, everyone knows that weekend was not good for the party. That's my opinion.

blackandwhite.jpg picture by nhgal2006

“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love,
a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.”
Mother Teresa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Sun, 06-20-2010 - 12:04am
Why doesn't your wife go to the beach as planned, and you go to the party with your son?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 06-21-2010 - 1:16pm

Sorry, sdlostorfound, I have to disagree.