Husband and other men?!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Husband and other men?!!!
7
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 11:12am
In a nutshell, we have been married for 16 years. We have always had a decent sex life and great emotional marriage where we communicate well. This time I'm struggling. Six years ago as a fulfillment for a "fantasy" I had sex with my husbands best friend (they are still best friends), while he watched. It was fun at the time and a big turn on for everyone involved. I made it clear to him in the beginning and after that it was a one time deal. To this day he can't have sex without talking about me and other men, he constantly wants me with other men. He even talks about dreams he has about me and other men. He makes comments about me and other men all the time.And he gets off on this! I've told him how sick I am of him "including" other men in our relationship constantly and that it's not a turn on any more. Most guys wouldn't want to think about their wives and other men, but mine can't get enough of it. Is it that or is he really just interested in watching other men in general (-: I'm starting to wonder. Guys, help me, explain how to get it through to him that if I was going to have sex with another guy, he's not going to be there,(which I'm not) but I'm that sick of hearing about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 3:45pm

I would say that he has a fetish. A fetish is a disorder where he/she needs something a particular way to be satisfied. If he is not actually getting to see her with another guy then he is reliving it in his head. I say he needs therapy

A guy wanting to see his woman with another guy is probably more common than many think. Acting on it it even letting it out to her may be a different story.

As guys we love watching our women. We love seeing them naked, love seeing them masturbate etc. The next step is seeing her with another guy or girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 1:26pm
Maybe it's time for counseling then. It would be a shame to end a marriage just over his seeming obsession with one particular sexual fantasy. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Wed, 09-01-2010 - 7:18am
I wish I could say yes, but I've been hounded about it for so long now that the thought of it just irritates me. We are creative in a lot of ways sexually, and there is still a "spark" but it typically has a short fuse because he ends up bringing up other men. )-: Scary part is that the more he puts the thought in my head, the more I think that I would like to be with other guys, unfortunately just NOT with him around.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2009
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 10:44pm

Would it be possible to compromise? Say, you enthusiastically indulge his fantasy (hypothetically anyway) once a week, and the rest of the time he doesn't bring it up?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 1:49pm

Talk with him at a sex-neutral time, after dinner, in the car, etc.


Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2010
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 12:15pm
THanks for that, I think I'll go out and get the book. Now that I know he's not into other guys, which I felt pretty sure he wasn't. How do I get it across to him that I don't want to keep fulfilling that fantasy of his? I just want him to enjoy sex because it's just us, and not have to keep bringing in a "hypothetical" other guy into it. I don't want to be asked "how big do I want him to be (the other guy)" or to tell me he wrote a story about the cable guy (that was here yesterday) and me getting it on. We communicate well and I've said in every way possible to STOP without giving an ultimatum. We have 3 kids, it's not that easy to give threats to leave.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Tue, 08-31-2010 - 11:47am

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha