I am not sure what to think or do....(sorry this is long)

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
I am not sure what to think or do....(sorry this is long)
19
Wed, 10-06-2010 - 12:38pm

I am new here and actually pretty new to the dating scene as well. A little background:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007

I know - he did mislead you and himself - please don't wait for him to call - he probably thought he could do it and can't.

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I'm sorry but I think you got attached too quickly to a bad prospect. From the start, he looked like a guy who had very little to offer you.

He may be looking for a life partner. But right now, his ideal match is a woman who is tolerant of the fact that he has almost no time to give. I don't know how he can be a good dating prospect for many people if he is working fourteen hour days. How is he able to take care of his kids on the nights he is working?

This is "too much too soon". You seem to have placed immediate chemistry above all else. In short... He cannot meet your (reasonable) requirements, and he knows that. "we'll always be friends" is a pretty BS line to give a woman he's only known for a month.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

Thanks for the wonderful and insightful replies.

I have resigned myself to exactly what has been said...too much too soon. I don't think my expectations are unrealistic, but unfortunately he is unable to fulfill them.

I got the strangest text from him a couple of hours ago asking "Do you still think I'm a ten?" A week ago he asked me how I was feeling about things and about what I know about him and I said "You're a ten to me until you show me differently." I am not sure why he would ask me that now. Maybe he is just looking for an ego boost.

I get the distinct impression he really just doesn't know what he wants. I think he WANTS someone but knows he is unable to provide any kind of commitment to anyone. I am trying not to overanalyze but must admit that his random texts that continue to come in once a day have me thinking a little bit and wondering why he continues to send them if he wanted to end things so badly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

He wants everything his own way- sex and companionship with no strings. Don't do it. Also, talk about being soul mates and longterm partners when

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999

He wants nothing that goes beyond friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

Thanks for the insight. For some reason I feel just horrible about this today...very hurt and not sure why.

I am confused as to why he sent the text yesterday if he is just not interested. Why ask what I think if he doesn't care? I know I am overthinking this. He sent nothing today.

You are probably right. I didn't think I mispoke on Saturday. Maybe it really was a deal-breaker.

I just hurt right now and wonder if I will ever hear from him again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009

I'm really sorry you're hurting. Please take a moment to realize that moving on without him will be of no negative consequence whatsoever. You can only do better.

I don't think you misspoke on Saturday - I think you started to reveal that you have expectations and needs and he immediately got turned off to a woman who has expectations.

He's really bad dating material unless he makes some serious changes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2005
Why he sent you that text? He wants an ego boost. It's as simple as that. I am sorry you got hurt by a man like this. It hurts, and feels horrible.

You do not have to let the man guide the relationship. Just because he says he wants it fast, or wants it bit, its okay to put a stop to it. He will respect you more if you stand up for yourself. I don't by the soul mate thing anymore (not that early). Happened to me too. He's wonderful, passionate, adores you, but the moment you show some expectations of him he balks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

You are all so wonderful. I really appreciate the support. I think it has just been a blow to my pride. It all built up so fast and then in the blinkof an eye it was gone which left me completely confused.

And I know you are all right...he is not good dating material for me or anyone else. I do not want to be with someone who can't handle that I want to be treated with respect. I may not have approached it correctly last Saturday, but I really feel he was wrong...not that it matters now because it doesn't.

I met him through Match.com. Last night I closed the door...sent him an email for my own satisfaction saying I was sorry it didn't work and was sorry he didn't like what I said to him, but that I really did mean it. Told him I appreciated the time we had together and was sorry he didnt' feel like he could talk to me like an adult, but that I deserved the chance to say goodbye. So that's what I did and I feel much better now. I also said: "a word of advice...you are not in high school anymore. If you plan to have relationships then you need to work on being an adult and talking about it when things go wrong." I couldn't resist. I am 34 years old and he is 38...I never imagined I would have this kind of a problem with a man at this age.

This is his loss. I would have compromised with him about a lot of things and worked with him on his crappy schedule. Now I don't have to :) Guess I should be telling him thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010

I have been feeling all better about things over the past day or two but have a bigger problem now. I hope its ok to post on this board since everyone here has the background now. Last week I should have had my period but nothing. I assumed it was because of all the stress but the last couple of days I haven't been feeling too good and have had some pretty typical symptoms of pregnancy...sore breasts, upset stomach and a little bit of cramping. Worried about my missed period, I went and bought a couple of pregnancy tests. I took them both and they both showed a faint positive. I am beside myself and am not sure what to do. It's only been a week and a half since we were "together" that way. It is normal to have a positive result already?

I am SO STRESSED and not sure what to do. I will try to get in to see my doctor this week, but then what? Do I bother telling him so he can ignore me or accuse me of doing it on purpose? I use the patch for birth control and have been on it for a few years now...how could this have happened??

I know there's not much anyone can say to make this better. But should I tell him? I am thinking of waiting a while. I appreciate your thoughts.

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