I am wondering why men do this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I am wondering why men do this.
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 5:25pm
Wy is it when you are with a guy - more men talk to you? I was on the bus with my guy the other day and in 25 minutes - 4 different men started conversations with me. One guy was with his g/f and she got so upset, she was spitting "SHUT UP" in his face. And looking at me embarassed that he was telling me his life story...

And the other guy was this incredibly beautiful man with a nice accent. He was telling me about why he likes crowded buses (gives him the courage to talk to beautiful woman).

Meanwhile, my guy was standing there with this smirk on his face - saying I told you so b/c he thinks men are attracted to me and I don't. Just b/c a guy wants to chat with you, doesn't me he "likes" you. It means you are friendly!

But why would they find me so much more friendly with a guy? Does it make a difference that my guy is much shorter than me?

Just curious...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 5:53pm
Well, are you standing with your arm around your man and him you?

Realize that someone finding you attractive quite often "makes you glow" - if you're sitting there basking in the delight of your man finding you appealing and desirable (or if you're caught up in the chase of trying to discern/make him find you that way) you're going to be literally "seducing" everything and everybody around you.

They're responding positively to you being so positive about yourself and life at that very moment.

If your guy is NOT standing as if he's yours and you're his.....quite possibly the men don't realize you're with him at all. Or at least, not in a "romantic" way.

At one time a friend of mine commented I literally "oozed life appeal"....not necessarily sex appeal although they said it was very seductive and had it's sexual nuances. He said I was like soft butter and he could imagine every man wanting to be the bagel on which I spread myself. I knew what he meant...I was extremely in touch with myself at that time, very aware of myself and my appeal to myself, I was very empowered and enlightened. So positive about life, so optimistic about it as a whole.

He also commented that if I was being responded to positively by men, I needed to be aware of what I was oozing. It was almost impossible to resist...men everywhere talked to me about any and everything, walked me to my car, just the whole nine yards. HE said to be aware that his only experience with it was in the infatuation stage with his wife. And that if I had men fawning over me it was because being around me was so deliciously desirable and emppoweringly positive there was no way to help 'loving me". But not to take it personally or seriously - because it was just that I was making everybody "feel great" - because I felt so great about me and my life at that time.

I loved that period of my life....I'm so fortunate that three years later I'm still in it. I took his words to heart, I understood what he meant. He was right.



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-02-2003 - 6:34pm
I was going to say something similar.

If you are sitting by yourself on the bus or train, staring bored at the passers by, or at a book you are reading, there is really no compelling reason for a complete stranger to walk up and talk to you. Your just as boring as they feel.

However, if you are smiling, laughing and enjoying life... Well, everyone wants to be a part of that. It's infectious. They just want to smile back. They want to get closer to you and talk to you.

Moods (both good and bad) can be very contagious. So most tend to avoid people in a "foul mood". They step away, sit elsewhere and generally avoid them. They are also drawn (like moths to a flame) to people in good moods. It makes them feel better about themselves and life.

Some people just light up a room when they walk in. All heads turn and attention follows them. It's not because they are so sexy or drop dead gorgeous. It's the energy humming vibrantly about them. It just draws people in.