I did it! And then, paranoia struck. .

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
I did it! And then, paranoia struck. .
32
Tue, 06-01-2010 - 11:26pm

So I've had this FWB for 1 1/2 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 1:32am

Kiera, to be perfectly honest, your email made no sense to me. So it's quite possible it will leave him wondering what you're talking about too.

That being said, you weren't happy so it needed to end. As for the friendship, it stopped being a friendship when the two of you introduced the FWB arragement.

The single best way to ruin a mixed sex friendship is to sleep together.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 7:06am

I've posted many times stating this fact: When we have sexual relations, our bodies release various chemicals that cause us to want to bond.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 11:14am

I agree with you in principle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 11:37am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 1:12pm

To some extent I agree that chemicals are released in the brain that bond women after sex, and men somewhat too.


But I think this depends on many other external factors.......what was the basis of the relationship; how much emotional intimacy was there...


It's not a simple matter of having sex and bonding.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 6:18pm

That was me and it was a woman who climbed out the window - not a man. And it only happened once. The point was not to disprove the theory, but to point out that it doesn't hold true for 100% of people 100% of the time.

Given the variations on human responses, nothing about humans is absolute. A large proportion of people having the same response? yes. 100% absolute for *all* people at in *all* situations? No.

9 times out of 10, I would bond with someone I'd had sex with. I know for a fact that I'd also be one of those women falling for a FWB. I completely agree with you on the FWB and the sex bonding theory. Best way to ruin a friendship ever.

But there have been *rare* occasions where I've had awful, regretful sex which leaves me feeling dirty and slutty. And there's not one bit of me which has wanted to bond with the person. Wanting to run away is the instinctive response in this situation.

Heaven knows, I remember one of those occasions on the beach at night. He'd lost his keys in the sand but I was so desperate to escape the situation that I left him there. The sex was entirely consentual, but he went places that I didn't know existed and I felt totally violated at the end. Running away was an awful thing for me to do, yes. But this is what happens when the escape instinct kicks in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 9:43pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 10:28pm

Personally

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 06-02-2010 - 10:32pm

Hi there,


I think this story may be of interest to you.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 06-03-2010 - 12:01am
I have had FWB that lasted years! Even if you are pursuing a LTR having your sexual needs met is great!! The question is what boundaries have you and he set. The rules of the game need to have definition early . In one she like big men i am average so the kicker for her was not there I like very fair women she is darker complected to no kicker for me either. We are both very territorial so no match there either. Friends and sex buddies.
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