I don't get it, don't know why, it just

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I don't get it, don't know why, it just
2
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 12:39pm
I have trust issues to begin with but I trusted him in the beginning and blew it. But foolishly I stayed, and I'm still here. I just don't get it I can't seem to be able to trust anyone! It's not cool! But I don't think I can give anyone the benefit of the doubt anymore. So anyway after learning about incidents in the past even before I was around seem to make it only worse. I don't know why but I just can't deal with knowing what he's (or anyone) has done in the past. Like his mom or sisters will mention these girls he use to I guess be good friends with and like tell me all details and things they use to do. It's just like then why aren't they the ones still around? Why would they tell me that stuff? or anything about his "other" girl "friends"? I just don't get it and I don't want to know that crap b/c it only makes the situation worse. Like if I were to met the man of my dreams and I found out after we were engaged that 10 years ago his x cheated on him or anything I just wouldn't be able to go through with the committment. I don't understand why either. any suggestions besides therapy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Benefit of the doubt is NOT trust.

Trust is what you give when you know someone after a long period of seeing if what they say and do is consistent and congruent....AND IN ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR STANDARDS, VALUES, PRIORITIES AND BOUNDARIES! At that point, you know you share those fundamental necessities that trust is hinging on.

Benefit of the doubt is when you have doubts about what you're hearing...and you're deciding to let them benefit by your ignoring your doubts or questions....because you want to be with them bad enough that you don't care about standards...you have "needs" and you're looking to them to meet them while lowering your standards.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I totally understand but I meant that I gave him the benefit of the doubt that I could trust him. Or maybe I gave my self the benefit of the doubt. You're right and I'm trying to figure out those things so I know where my boundaries are. I've had some crazy and incredible times, and I want to have more. I think the real issue here is that I have to grow up and I need to be independent and make a life for myself right? So to do that, Even though I want to be with him forever and love him forever, I have to choose to let him go because of the trust issues and moving into my moms will probably fix all my problems. Then I can continue to pursue my dreams and goals in life right? So then I have to worry about the future what ever may come my way without him.