i dont understand, has he lost interest or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
i dont understand, has he lost interest or what?
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 11:50am

this might be long...

so this guy and i met on a dating site, we started talking for awhile then we started calling and realized we got along well. we could talk on the phone for like 4 or 5 hours a night, we had alot in common..
and even then he had alot of work to do on the weekdays but he would always say oh just call me real quick before you sleep to say goodnight or text me... it was really sweet
so anyway we have our first date and we hit it off real well, we talked about anything and everything, he thought i was really beautiful and he was so excited to meet me, we even held hands when we walked around and we had our first kiss on that date too.. we talked about it many of times on the phone we were very attracted to each other so we knew it was bound to happen... well he invited me to come over to his apartment the next day to hang out because we had to cut the date short (i had family visiting)
so we hung out the next day and things went great again, we had a fun time getting to know each other... we had talked about this several times on the phone that we wanted to take things slow because everytime in our past relationships things went kind of fast and they ended badly... so i kind of liked that. he tells me that he feels we have this great connection and he enjoys my company alot and that he really likes me, i feel the same way and i let him know it, by this point we are almost treating each other like we were bf and gf. we kissed and cuddled and just shower each other with affection

so a week later we still talk and text almost everyday and we make plans to hang out again that weekend, i come over to his apartment again (i tell him i want to because at my house we wouldnt have any privacy) and we have a great time again, and maybe this was a mistake but we didnt have sex but we got very very close, we were both just very infatuated and attracted to each other it was hard not to get to that point... well anyways afterwards we are just laying in bed and talking, and maybe this was a mistake too but i bring up the dating thing again and he says the same thing that we should get to know each other as friends then see where it goes from there, im like yeah i agree and i mention i would probably be kind of sad if things didnt work out for us i think he said he would be too..
but this date was the last time i saw him (last sunday so a week ago) but we were laughing and goofing around just having a good time, i go to leave and he tells me again to call him when i get home so that he knows i made it safe... alright now this is where things turn around
the week after we start talking less and less, he says hes been really busy with his job, he is a post grad student so he has alot of work to do at home and whatnot

im the one to usually text him and i havent talked to him since i called him to tell him i made it home safely... he does reply to my texts but its usually about how busy he is and how all this work is makin his brain not work.. idk things like that... but it seems like anytime i asked him to hang out this weekend he doesnt text back, i even said i had an extra ticket for a game halloween weekend and asked if he wanted to go, no answer just replies to a joke i sent him afterwards

now he may really be busy, but it just makes me suspicious when he doesnt say anything back to me about hanging out?

on wednesday of last week i told him that if he ever started losing interest in me or if he felt that we couldnt be anything more than friends then to tell me please (he knows the last guy i was involved with left me high and dry that way) and he said 'gosh :( ok... you too, ok?'
the next day i kind of let my feelings get the best of me (plus i was having issues with my family so i was a little emotional) i texted him and asked him if we were friends or what is going on, and i said dont be afraid to hurt my feelings if thats the reason... and he said the same thing that he still wants to get to know me first blah blah blah he ends the text saying im a really cool chick :) he also mentioned that i needed to boost my self esteem because it made him sad that i talk down of myself..
i apologized and said i was already a little upset because of the other issues i was going through that day so i let them get the best of me..

so now its sunday a week later and i dont know whats goin on, i mean is he still interested in me? am i just thinking of the worst? i just really hate it when guys slowly start to ignore you or ignore you completely when they could just say, im not interested lol

i dont know, i think he really is busy but its the avoiding the hanging out questions that bug me the most, and the all of a sudden lack of communication

i really hope it isnt the case, i like him

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 4:32pm

Sweetie, you're going about this the wrong way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2010
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 6:21pm
you are right, i have given him all the power.. right now ive just put it on the back burner im going to keep concentrating on school and my day to day life and let him call me if he still has the interest, if he doesnt well i guess it isnt meant to be :/
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Sun, 10-24-2010 - 11:46pm

Yes, it's nice to have a companion in life, but you have to work on yourself and go in to the dating world with a new attitude. What kind of woman does a man generally like? A confident woman with her own life and interests, who acts as though she is the prize, and that she would be happy with or without him if things don't work out. You spoke to him as though you were needy and clingy and knew he was the one for you, when you don't even know him yet. That's scary to a man.

Think of dating as a job interview. You are seeing if he is right for the job. Have a wait and see attitude. Men are usually wonderful at the beginning, but it takes time to see if they will treat as you should be treated after the newness of the relationship has worn off. If a man possesses any of your dealbreakers, then let your brain tell your heart that it's time to move on.

Do you have hobbies and interests that you engage in? If not, develop some. It will make you a more interesting person, and will force you to not make your partner the center of your universe. Do you have girlfriends that you spend time with? If not, make some girlfriends, and regularly hang out with them, especially when you are in a relationship with a man. You need to have an independent life outside of your partnership with a man, and if the relationship happens to not work out, you still have your friends and hobbies to help you through. Men don't like shouldering the responsibility of being the center of your universe. They like courting a confident, happy woman who is not a doormat, and is joyous and fun to be around, not a woman who worries that she's going to be dumped by the 3rd date. Read some articles on how to date succesfully to get some ideas. Redbook magazine has some good articles. Take care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2010
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 1:29pm

Good thoughts!

I am actually going through the smiliar thing, i change my attitude. Men afraid and don't like drama, needy and poor self control women. As much as you like a man goes after you to get your attention, i believe men like that too. Be the " go geter", be the active one. It doesn't harm to try, if you don't try, you will never know and be wonder all the time.

I learned it and refused to sit here to wonder what if.....