I don't understand this man, insight please?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2012
I don't understand this man, insight please?
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 4:39pm

Hi all :)

First off, I am new to the board. A little about me. I am 40 and single.

So....here's the story. I have been seeing this man for a couple years. It's very casual between us - intimacy, dinner, movies. Not much more at this point. But I suspect he's just not the type to settle on one person at this point in his life. He is 10 years younger than me, and I haven't thought much about the age difference but maybe my 'issues' have something to do with it, I don't know.To the point: as usual, I went to his house the other day, we had our usual fling and talked a bit afterwards. He told me (mind you AFTER the sex) that he is going to have a talk with his boss next week regarding a raise and if his boss only throws a small raise his way then he is thinking to of transfering to another branch - somewhere overseas. Then he mentioned that he is planning to go out of state to shoot some events (he is semi-pro photographer but has other job) with another photographer - a girl of course. Yes, I know, if this is so casual, why should I care....!! To me, it is just ironic at this point because when he does his photgraph gigs they are burlesque shows, fashion shows, nudes, etc. so - whatever - and i hate using that word.

So, what's the problem you may be asking....well, this is the SECOND time he has said something out of the oridinary to me, AFTER the sexual encouter. The first one was a bombshell of "I have some good news, I am dating someone" - to which I replied "good for you".... after all, we do not have any committments but I suspect by my feelings right now (kind of sad and kicking myself in the butt at the same time) that perhaps I do have more feelings toward him than I, otherwise, hate to admit.

The first one, to which he announced dating someone, was just to see what my reaction was because to this day, he has not said one word about 'her'... I mentioned it once, "so how are you and your girlfriend doing" but he never replied (although it was in a text so it was easy for him to avoid-my mistake there!)

So, in your opinion, does this sound like he is just trying to say things to 'see what my reaction is' -- but if so, why? I just don't understand this man! UGH. I didn't think I was this nieve.....?

Any thoughts, opinions, suggestions would be very helpful. Thank you!


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-10-2012 - 11:06pm

I'm thinking he does this to reinforce that you are only a FWB relationship and you shouldn't expect any more from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 10:21am
musiclover12 wrote:

I'm thinking he does this to reinforce that you are only a FWB relationship and you shouldn't expect any more from him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 03-11-2012 - 5:39pm

I agree with Music too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2011
Mon, 03-12-2012 - 7:23pm

Women/or girls that do FWB is usually all you get

Forget about your age with him - but you are old enough to see what you are doing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Fri, 03-16-2012 - 11:21pm

I agree with the others. This guy isn't interested in a real committed R/S with you. If you truly only use him for companionship and sex then it's OK but be true to yourself and make sure you don't expect more otherwise you're in for some real heartbreak. I was involved in a similar situation many years ago. Looking back I have wasted my precious time instead of spending it with someone who was capable of loving me.