I know I was in the wrong...insight
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 12-13-2006 - 10:47pm |
I don't really know where to start other then I'm frustrated and feeling blah!
Been talking to this guy online here and there (through e-mail). When we first started talking he wanted to know if I had a picture and if I wanted to meet for drinks, I assumed that because he was askin for my picture right off the bat that all he was into was just a girls "looks". I declined but would talk to him here and there. So last nite we started talking on messenger again he asked me why I didn't want to meet up with him and why I wouldn't send him a picture, so I sent him a picture and said you still want to meet....he says sure. We ended up talking for several hours had fun getting to know each other a little. He complemented me on my personality and said that it really outweighed my looks I thought that was very nice of him to say. As the conversation carried on I was asking him about his online dating eperiences and what not and he started to tell me about his very first experience about how this girl showed him a picture of herself but it was fuzzy and dark so he really couldn't make it out, she told him that she had a few extra pounds. They later on met and apperently she turned out to be this big girl, told me how her hygenie was bad etc, etc, but he was being polite and took her out anyway. After listening to that story I didn't tell him that the pic. of me was pretty old. I take horrible pics and I still look the same..I know there is no excuse for it. I told him and I apologized, he asked to see it again ect, ect. Then tells me well I hate to be mean but outer apperance is a "huge" factor for me and that even though you have a great personality and a good character it's not enough and will never be. I was hurt by that comment but at the same time I deserved that one. Then he started talking to me about my body type. Folks I know I'm not skinny but I'm not fat either...I guess I could catagorize myself as curvy and a few extra pounds, I think Im cute, funny, I have a lot to offer and Im happy with myself. It's just it really gets to me a lot because dating has never been my strong suit. I just don't get why people have to be hurtful???
Thanks for listening to me vent
comments welcomed, and suggestions

Pages
Please stop having contact with this shallow dog. He's an immature ass and while looks may initailly get someone's attention it's the personality that creates a relationship.
Be cute - be funny - be likable and toss this guys hurtful words into the garbage where they belong.
I have a male friend whose wife is average looking but she is beautiful to him and he said given the chance to have sex with the hottest woman in the world would mean nothing to him because nothing can compare to what he has with his wife and he wouldn't risk it for anything! That's how REAL men are!!!!!!
(((Hugs)))
Teresa
http://www.affordingpickles.blogspot.com
Thanks everyone for there comments and support, I greatly apperciate it! I know I don't need a loser like him...that's probably why he's still single because he's arrogant...anyway his loss!
Anyone who does not value you as you isn't worth your time and energy. He's a loser and you deserve so much better. I know that it's difficult but you have turn that around towards the person who is doing the rejecting and place the burden onto them not you. Do not internally accept this type of energy from anyone because it starts adding up and then you become quite overrun with it and it becomes a part of who you are.
Let it go and next time let him know when he makes that idiotic statement that you are better than to listen to him and sign off...hang up....just leave him hanging. Your dignity is at risk here and no one should rob you of it.
Reese
Hmm. I always send my picture right away (if for some reason it's not posted on my profile--for example when I use Craig's List personals) and request that the guy send me his pic right away too, and I won't continue to talk to someone who won't send a pic (because I wonder what they are hiding). Now, of course looks aren't *everything* but they are part of attraction and I don't see anything wrong with that.
I'm not going to be everyone's type, nor is everyone going to be my type. No biggie.
I guess I'm not really seeing that this guy was being mean by saying that physical attraction is important to him.
And just so you know, I am overweight, so it's not like I'm expecting anyone to be perfect--in fact, I'm more attracted to men who are stocky than to thin, wiry, runner types. But the fact is, I'm not attracted to everyone, and so I don't expect everyone to be attracted to me.
Sheri
We are not obligated to be attracted to anyone but we should ALWAYS be respectful of others' feelings. Telling her her personality could never be enough for him because looks are HUGELY important and critiquing her body says S-H-A-L-L-O-W, I-N-S-E-C-U-R-E D-O-G to me. Men who have a healthy level of confidence and self-esteem don't talk that way. It's not as if she was chasing him and he had to resort to brutal honesty.
I've seen women post about guys with similar "looks" requirements only to find out that these men are unattractive and out of shape. I have a friend who can't get a date but she finds fault with just about everyone. Her chances would be better if she had an open heart and open mind.
We can have our preferences without resorting to making another feel bad about themselves. I have two basic requirements - I couldn't be with a guy who was shorter than I am and I couldn't be with a guy who was hygenically challanged but I would never tell a guy "You're too short" or "Your breath stinks and you have B/O" because that is "my stuff" and I have no right to inflict it on them.
There is a saying "Your opinion of me is none of my business"
I do agree with posting the picture first and avoiding the drama about when to send a picture. It no doubt saves a lot of disappointment and wasted energy.
Ok, I re-read the original post and I'm still not seeing where he "critiqued" her body. If he in fact did that, then yes, that's rude and unnecessary but I didn't read her post that way.
Everyone gets to want what they want. If they get fewer dates because of it, that's their problem to deal with! I'm not going to stress about someone else's preferences. If they don't want someone who looks like me, I just say next! There are other men who will be fine with my looks.
Sheri
First he's got to tell her that personality and good character would never be enough because looks are SOOOOO important then he started talking about her body type. Who the hell really cares what his body type preference is? For that matter who cares how important looks are to him?
When he's discussing his "preferences" as if to suggest that she is lacking his words are disrespectful and hurtful. If words don't improve the silence or in some way "help" a situation - they are better left unsaid. For the life of me I see no value whatsoever in what he chose to say to her. My brother-in-law prefers dark women, hispanic, italian etc. He thinks Uma Thurman and Cameron Diaz are ugly. He just doesn't like blondes but he has never said "Oh I could never go out with someone like YOU" or made his comments specific to me personally. It's just his preference. Who cares?
With more than 90% of the female population in this country having body image issues and/or concerns about their appearance, there is just no reason to fuel those insecurities with such classless "honesty."
Well, we are going to have to agree to disagree. You read his words as being meant personally, I don't.
Sheri
Pages