I screwed up can this be fixed. UGH! Mixed signals both sides.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
I screwed up can this be fixed. UGH! Mixed signals both sides.
7
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 12:20am

Forgive me if this gets wordy, but I want to give as much info as possible.

I had worked with this guy, we were always flirting. I recently left the company we both worked at and we started texting each other. This slowly led to some sexting. Here's the issue he admits that he has been a friends with benefits(fwb’s for short) with someone for awhile and states that he wanted a relationship. (He this said before I left the company we both worked at) He suggested we could be fwb's too. He didn't realize that I was seriously interested in him. 2 days later I got laid off and another former coworker told him about it. When he called to see how I was doing, asked why he would suggests fwb’s with me when he was already in that situation already. He stated that he wasn’t serious that he sees me as a friend. Ironically this is the only thing I didn’t believe. We still text each other but it is stilted. He normally texts first, checking on how I’m doing, what I’m currently reading (we both are avid readers lol), how the job hunting is going? I know that I missed read a lot things. Yet he texts me normally 3 or 4 times a week from work while on breaks or lunches. Not sure how to proceed from here? Is the damage to sever to get him to think of me as more than a friend or friend with benefits? HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Teezaz, I'm not sure why you think you screwed this up.  What is the damage you are referring to?  

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
My main concern is he still texting, but he is now pretty much regulating when he is doing it IE from work.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think if you want an actual relationship w/ a guy then you don't "sext" him when you haven;'t even been on a date--what kidn of woman do you think he is going to think you are then?  He said he sees you as a friend, so why don't believe that?  If you want it to be more, you could always ask him out, I suppose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Yeah i realize now the sexting was pretty stupid. I believe him when he said he wanted to be friends, just not the part when he said he wasn't serious about the friends with benefits. I just been jerked around before and just wanted to make sure that I don't make the same mistakes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004

Hmmm...

I'm a bit confused about where you think you "screwed up." If it's with the "sexting", I would say I agree.

I think the sexting was the beginning of the end here. If you like someone, and consider them a prospective sig other, it's best not to "sext" with them (I'm not really sure how to better word that!). I would even go further and say that it's best to limit the texting, and have real conversations instead. Excessive texting in the beginning of a dating relationship tends to lead to more texting than actually talking. 

Did you ever have a real-life conversation with him? Ever go out on a date? I'm thinking those things never happened. That's the problem. You set the precedent for superficial communication, and also gave him an opening to suggest a friends with benefits situation. By participating in suggestive texting, he figured you'd probably be game for no-strings-attached sex as well. Now, he has backed off because you questioned his motives.

How do you procede? You don't. There's nothing to salvage...you never had anything with him. You can't make him see you as more than a friend because he never did. I think you should move on, and learn from this. In the future, if you meet someone you like, you should get to know the person face to face, through conversation, and avoid suggestive talks/texts until you're in a relationship.

Good luck!

Rive

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003

We spoke all the time prior to me leaving the company we BOTH worked at. As for friends we are still texting, right now it is going good. Should it  not progress more then friends then I will live with it. I don't date alot obviously but I learn from my mistakes. Thanks everyone for the advise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012

I completely agree with Rive as far as there being nothing to salvage, except maybe your dignity. This guy is not serious relationship material for you. If you're up for a FWB situation, go for it, otherwise I'd cut him off completely - at least for a while so you can clear your head and make better decisions. Sidenote: Have you ever tried online dating? I'm 34 and started dipping my feet in that pool this past year because I was frustrated at my chronic habit of being approached by someone and settling for him for sometimes years before admitting to myself that he wasn't for me. Online dating put all of the control in my hands and I've had a great experience with it (that probably makes me part of the minority but I think it's worth a shot). Put yourself out there. Expect to find a great guy who's completely into you because you deserve it. You might be surprised at what a simple change of attitude will yield.