I think I figured it out...
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|Mon, 08-18-2014 - 7:03pm|
I am new here, but I wanted to find the most relevant place for me on the topic of relationships. First, I will say that I have figured something out, which is how never to be the one posting about why he doesn’t call or how to forget him or does he care, etc. I have been doing the following for a while, and it works: girls you have to stop worrying about how he feels or how to get him. I have noticed some books, articles, and blogs by men giving advice to women about what guys want, what they think of us, how to know if they are into us, etc. From Steve Harvey to whoever came up with “he’s just not that into you” they all tell us they are the choosey wants and we are the suckers.
The first problem is to figure out what you want and why you want it. Do you want to get married, accumulate things, and have a family? Do you want to find “the one?” Why? The root of these wishes for most of us is to feel loved (I think). Is what you are doing getting you what you want?
So you want a guy, maybe he is a prospect or maybe you’ve been seeing him. Don’t worry about “the one” because the divorce rate proves there is no such thing. This is an antiquated ideal that was at one time necessary for household economic purposes and survival, but it is completely unnecessary. We do not need the conventional structure for practical reasons anymore. We have the freedom to choose relationships for fulfillment of emotional needs, whatever that entails for each of us. There are lots of different ways of loving and types of relationships. We do not have to fit in a box, as long as those whom we are in relationships with are wired the same as we are.
Do not worry about what his intensions are for you. I’ve seen a few writings by men, who claim to have been players (who are now reformed and with “the right woman.”) The advice they give is demeaning—all implying that we need them more than they need us. Supposedly these guys know what they want to do with you within the first few minutes of meeting you: you are girlfriend or hit it and quit it material. If anybody has never heard this before, I’ll scrape up the places I’ve seen it and post them.
You have to have the attitude that you are doing the choosing. It is so simple. You are in the driver’s seat. This is advice from men that has been truly useful: just do what they do. You may feel lovey and squishy inside, but do not show it. Catch the want to be player (not a real one or a sociopath). Let him think he’s in control. Then mess with his head. If you do not want to play these games you are going after or pining over the wrong guys. Another question to ask yourself is, are you the kind of girl that keeps falling for “jerks?” Well, then I do not suggest you start going for nice decent, non-game playing guys because you will break their heart. They won’t turn you on. You’ve got to know yourself and live and love accordingly. You can have your heart’s desire—you just have to play back. You keep control.
Also, do not get pregnant unless you can take care of a family….period. Do not make babies with guys who would not make good husbands or fathers. You cannot change anybody. If you are a lady who likes these guys, do not make babies. If you already have, it’s okay, you will just have to wait until they grow up before you can experience the passion and drama that apparently you crave.
Know yourself. Nothing is perfect. Do not hurt other people. This is reality the way I see it.
I expect some harsh criticism here and there--it goes with the territory of posting on these boards. I do not catch all of my typos and errors without a proof-reader; so if I leave an "s" off of something or do a their instead of there. I just missed it, I do know better. Forgive me. I must have some kind of Adult ADD,