I want him to be my boyfriend how can I?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
I want him to be my boyfriend how can I?
2
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 9:23pm
I met this guy three years ago and he moved away I havnt seen him sinc. I rescently met up with him again and exchanged numbers he called me the exact day he said he would which is a good thing to start with. We talked on the the phone for about a month now, but we have conflicting schedules and our plans kept getting messed up. We finally got the chance to hang out two weeks ago and It was so perfect I could tell already I was going to fall for him. He is so caring sweet cute everything I could possibly dream of. We made plans for the following week and things went great again. We are goin out to dinner this week and to the casino. We connect so well we can just sit and talk to each other for hours. Upon our conversation he brought up the question "Have you seen anyone else since we've been talking/"seeing" eachother?.

He says: I havn't! What is ment by this? does it mean he is willing to have an exclusive relationship? He didn't mention that I am not sure I don't want to be the one to rush or assume things because they are going so well , but I'd also like to know so I make sure I don't hook up with anyone else. I really like him how can I get him to be mine? Should I say somethin or wait for him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-06-2003 - 10:15pm
If you really like him, assuming you don't do the polyamorous thing, why would you be hooking up with someone else? You haven't been seeing one another all that long, so I'd adopt a wait and see attitude, but I'd try to refrain from "hooking up" in the meantime.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-07-2003 - 8:03am
Title: My thoughts...from one GoGo to another...

**"I rescently met up with him again and exchanged numbers he called me the exact day he said he would which is a good thing to start with."**

It CERTAINLY is...it says that he was (and presumably still is) really keen on spending time and talking with you. And kudos to you for being open to his advances, versus judging him for being "anxious" or "desperate" (as I was reminded this week by an episode of "Oprah", women often do label a guy accordingly in these situations when he calls quickly because his interest level is high)

**"We talked on the the phone for about a month now, but we have conflicting schedules and our plans kept getting messed up."**

Sounds like you had plenty of time to let things develop insofar as building MUTUAL interest.

**"We finally got the chance to hang out two weeks ago and It was so perfect I could tell already I was going to fall for him."**

Ummm...I'd go slowly with the "fall for him" part. What you guys have so far is a mutual interest in EACH OTHER. That is NOT the same as having the same goals...in this case, to form a romantic relationship. There are plenty of reasons why he might indeed like you...but not want to date you exclusively or seriously...not the leas of which is the distance between the two of you, and you busy / conflicting schedules.

**"Upon our conversation he brought up the question "Have you seen anyone else since we've been talking/"seeing" eachother?. He says: I havn't! What is ment by this?"**

I'm not totally sure I understand what you wrote here. Did you mean that YOU asked HIM if he'd been seeing anyone, and he replied that he hadn't? Or...are you saying that HE asked YOU if you he'd being seeing anyone, and that he informed you that he had not. The former has a different implication than the latter. The former...you asked him and he responds...could mean nothing other than EXACTLY what he said...he hasn't been seeing anyone. Which means he might see someone the very next day, potentially.

On the other hand, if he asks you if you were seeing anyone, obviously he wants to know. And if he followed that up by VOLUMNTEERING the fact that he wasn't seeing anyone, well, obviously that was something he'd like YOU to know. In this scenario I'd say he is definitely trying to see if the coast is clear, while at the same time letting you know the coast is clear on his end as well. Definitely green light!!

**"does it mean he is willing to have an exclusive relationship?"**

I wouldn't assume that. Again, there are lots of reasons why this might NOT be the case. But, I would say that again, if HE asked YOU if you were seeing anyone else, and then informed you on his own that HE was not, it would SEEM pretty positive.


**"...I don't want to be the one to rush or assume things because they are going so well..."**

One of the great misconceptions women have about men is that you can "scare away" a guy who is sincerely interested in you.

(Versus a guy who really has no interest, and you've kept hanging around with sex and other favors...not that this applies for you dear...that nugget was more for the late twenty something professionals who just don't seem to understand why Mr. Hunky-Perfect isn't pursuing them with more vigor, yet is glad to collect a booty ride whenever offered).

Assuming you aren't going to ask him to marry you or father your child, you can't "scare him away". He might not be ready to move at the same pace as you, but you certainly aren't going to scare off a guy by simply ASKING HIM what pace he is comfortable with.

**"Should I say somethin or wait for him?"**

I would say that if you "really want him to be (yours)" you should take some measured but proactive steps to make it happen. The first would be to let him know...fairly directly...your desire / intent. No, you aren't going to ask him to be your BF, but you could (and should) remind him next time you get together that you discussed having not dated anyone else since you started hanging out. Something like...

You: "You know Joe...last week, you asked me if I had been spending time with anyone else, and I said no. And you said you haven't been seeing anyone else either"

Joe: "Uh huh"

You: "Well, I have to tell you...I was glad to here that you haven't been seeing anyone else. And I also want to tell you that I'm not interested in seeing anyone else myself."

Joe: "Oh...ok".

You: "In fact, I'd wouldn't mind seeing more of you if our schedules allow. I really enjoy your company, and it seems you enjoy mine"

Joe: "Umm...yeah...sure".

Trust, me, if he is as keen as he seem from your post, he'll get the hint. Now, I actually don't know if there is supposed to be a speech or an official ceremony or something or whatever to officially mark dating exclusively and being in a relationship...each time it has happened for me it was somewhat assumed that after a handful of dates and a sexual tryst, but I certainly would NOT recommended that assumptive approach. I can think of one occasion where a person I was saying at the time simply referred to me as her BF (actually she said her "man") in a passing thought she expressed out loud...I don't know if that was intentional or not (I did ask at a later point, but I forget her answer). All that to say that while I absolutely recommended that you get a positive acknowledgement from him that the two of you are in an exclusive relationship when the right time comes, I don't have a strategy for doing so. Sorry...

Good luck to you! Isn't new love grand??!!