Im just "right now"?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Im just "right now"?????
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 9:15am

This is my "friend" and my discussion recently. It's upsetting because I really thought things were going great and we could turn into something more. How can I be the "right one" instead of being the "right now"? as you will read we are good friends, have been for 8 years on and off because i moved away. But it recently turned into more. messing around and everything! No sex yet, he's a virgin, so we were taking it slow!


I'm going to write this against my better judgment...
I guess I just really want to know for my own piece of mind what you are really thinking.

Do you really not want a relationship?
Do you just want to hook up?
Am I just "right now" not the "right one"?

I am ok... with the possibility of us just being friends and maybe hooking up. I just don't want to invest "feelings" other than what I already have if this has no option of being a true relationship some day.
I'm ok with you being with me but still open to the possibility of finding someone else. But as long as you tell me that. I just don't want to get hurt or be confused in any way.
I completely understand if you just don't know what you want. It's not like you have had a million girlfriends in the past and are used to being in a relationship.
I just don't want to continue and you say that you're not interested in a relationship and then one day you all of a sudden have a girlfriend that isn't me. I can deal with being the girl you are with right now with no intentions of ever really being with me as long as you are honest about it now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2007
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:25pm

Stop comparing him to other guys & what other guys would do in the situation.

Just relax. You both seem on the same page. If a relationship happens, it'll happen.

He's a virgin & has no relationship experience. It'll take him awhile to make decisions.

Nothing is certain. That's the risk we take for love.

And the worst way to start a relationship is by holding back. Holding back your heart so you don't get hurt, also doesn't give much for the other person either. If you're both waiting for the other to make a move, nothing will happen.

Good luck.

Good distraction frees us from emotional pain, bad distraction gives you a mouth full of whizz. ~~~ Guru Tugginmypudha
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 12:40pm
not all, maybe not even most but a LOT of guys just don't give a S**T.
other than that.... Thanks for the 2cents! I appreciate all advise, or remarks lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 8:55pm

Hi there,

From my perspective, you are totally crazy about him and he is just not that into you. You say that you could be friends without hurt feelings if he dated another girl, but I think that you are lying to yourself. My guess is that you would be very upset.

Men who are courting you may be so wonderful and lie to you until they get the goods. In this case, your

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 03-10-2010 - 9:26pm
yu are right. I would be hurt when he finds someone else. Part of me just wrote all that I did to secure a place in his life. But I kknow I culd just stop what we are ding befre it gets to far. I now I shuld, and hopefully I will. I want to. Because I know I will fall for him no matter what ii already told him. It's wayy too difficult for me to have a casual relationship with him because we are great friends and have been for so long!
it just sucks because just wish he would realize we are great together and I can give him all the experience he needs. But I have read "he's just bot that into you" and I know the signs I just hate that I know what do to but still don't want to! But you are right. I should not have sex with him!!