Inappropriate texts from single friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Inappropriate texts from single friend
22
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 5:30pm

My husband has remained friends with one of his college buddies.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 6:15pm

I feel that this is probably the equivalent of two female friends, one married, one single, having lunch and coffee together in a cafe and discussing how the single girl's love life and dating last weekend went.
"Gorgeous man, great kisser, to die for, but the staying power of an icecube on a hot griddle plate - fizzed and was done in seconds."
"No? Really? Tell me more...."

Is what your husband and his friend doing inappropriate?
I can see why you're a bit cheesed about it and I'd be a bit gunshy after your husband was having an emotional affair, but surely there are more important things in your life to worry about? The friend is out of town, these women are out of town, it's not like your husband is choosing them himself, and he's being sent the emails not requesting them himself, and it's not his dating site membership. It's titillation, but mainly its about friendship with contact and sharing of a guy-thing with his friend. It's pretty harmless on the scale things in my opinion.




Edited 4/5/2010 6:17 pm ET by westridge2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 6:21pm
i think it would be different if his friend was just saying something like
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 6:26pm
oh, forgot something :-)...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 6:42pm
I guess what im trying to say is that i feel that this so called friend is no longer
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 7:41pm

I'm not a guy but my best friend definitely would have sent me pics of the guys on a dating site if

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 7:56pm

Yes, it seems like normal "guy" behavior to me. And it does seem like bragging on the part of the single guy.


If these were photos sent personally to your husband's friend from the girls, I'd be extremely surprised if the girls gave permission to share them

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 04-05-2010 - 9:07pm

Do all guys do this, probably not, but obviously some do. Just like some women would do or at least talk about men whether married or not.



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 12:13am
I haven't seen the pics but I would "assume" that it's more like the 22yo that you talk about (we're all 22yo forever when it comes to looking at nude women) having a joke and sharing an opinion about the women. Frankly if a woman is going to put a half nude picture of herself on a dating site, then, well, who could take her seriously? Yes, I can see guys passing the pics around like naughty boys behind the school bike sheds. Some men act like very serious grown-ups and don't do it, some grown-ups do it as light relief and some simple amusement, a few will really oogle the pics seriously.


And I also think that it will take more than a couple of naughty emails to lead your husband astray. He'll only be led astray if part of him wants to be led astray. The friend might be a friend but he might not be a "good" friend to have.


Some emails will NOT make or break your man. One dodgy friend will not lead him astray. His own strength of character is what will make or break him. And you can't change that with a couple of emails.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 9:02am

I totally agree with this

I can understand why the OP is hurt, if this is how she found out about an affair then I'm sure those same instincts are kicking in again... But the fact of the matter is, if they both moved forward, he is genuinely remorseful, and he no longer has it in his character to cheat, then this isn't a sign of anything other than men having a laugh over some women who definitely can't be taken seriously...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2003
Tue, 04-06-2010 - 11:24am
Since i have never acted in this way (never been the type to kiss and tell) i guess this is why this behavior was odd to me - especially btwn 2 40 yr olds....

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