Is it Southern men or all men?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Is it Southern men or all men?
5
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 2:44am
Hey y'all,

I am a Midwestern girl attending school in the South. I cannot seem to find myself a good Southern guy to date. My friends and I are kind of frustrated because it seems that everyone down here is interested in casual things or being practically engaged. I really like the Southern fraternity men down here, but I'm having a hard time figuring them out. I'm in a sorority, I've been told I'm a hot girl...However, it seems that guys I'm attracted have issues with phones and communication. I asked a guy recently to go to a formal with me and he said that he had to check his schedule. He was sending mixed signals-acting curious and telling me about his frat formal, and then he also seemed nervous and avoidant at the same time. Then, even though he had ways to get ahold of me, he waits until he sees me a week later to tell me he will have a friend visiting that weekend and can't, but emphasizes the fact that he really would have liked to. Then I met a guy at a party this weekend(well he had been hanging out alone so I grabbed him out of the crowd and danced with him), and he asked me for my #, which he programmed into his cell phone. He said he would get ahold of me the next day but never did. Some guys have told me that guys just ask for your # and such to just seem like nice guys...but it seems worse to feign interest. I guess I'm not as daring when I'm back home in the boring Midwest, but it seems that guys there are pretty direct. If they don't want to call you, they won't ask for your number. I just can't tell with the guys I meet if they are trying to be nice or if they are interested. Plus, since I do want to date a Southern guy, I would like to know exactly what they are attracted to. I mean I guess all guys like the same thing, but one of my good guy friends from the South told me that I need to start acting more like a belle and debutante and be less direct. Help me understand!





iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 1:11pm
Hey,

Well I am a southern girl so I might be able to help. I don't have a problem with the guys here but I must say they are very unique. I also attend college in the south and I meet out-of-state students everyday. Yes, they are very different from the guys here but to me, when it all boils down, men are men. There ARE direct guys here but don't wish for them to be too direct, you may get your feelings hurt. Good luck. Oh if you don't mind me asking what college and sorority ?

N.O.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 1:51pm
Ok, I'm from the South --- it's a whole different world in some respects. As far as the MEN? Well, they like the chase. Southern women do NOT pursue. There's a rule in the South, "Men do the chasing, Women do the choosing."

However, in YOUR case? We're talking about college BOYS. Sure they still like the chase, but very FEW want to actually settle down/get serious. They are all about fooling around CASUALLY. It's a bummer, I know...

you just have to look out for YOU. Don't let your emotions get involved or do anything you'd regret until you know the true intentions of the other person. As far as them asking you for your # then not calling you? NEWSFLASH: Men ask for your digits to see if they THEY CAN GET THEM. It's like a game for them/ an ego boost. More times than not? They have no intention of calling. Another bummer. That's why, at 24, I only date older men (in their 30s). Good luck... and just have fun w/ these guys/ don't expect anything serious--- because it's just not in their genetic makeup yet!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 4:54pm
Title: I'm having heart palpitations.

I too am from the South as evidenced by that darling accent I can't manage to get rid of. And there are men and women South of the Mason-Dixon who play a multitude of games. There are also men and women (thank the gods) who don't. I'm not sure why you're hung up on dating a Southerner other than the close proximity to so many being at school in the South. You can play games, and you can be coy, and you'll probably snag a few frat boys looking to put some high quality notches on their belts, or you can be yourself and find a guy who's interested in you as a person. If you're only looking in the frat houses for potential dates, I'm sure you know that narrows your exposure, and you're more likely to end up with one of the former instead of the latter.

A true Southern woman doesn't have to act like anything. She is what she is. Don't sell yourself short by playing at being something you're not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 5:33pm
I tried to post a reply a second ago but I don't know if it went through....

new_orleans: I am an ADPi at Vandy. I'm not one of those notorious "Vandygirls"-I can't keep up with them. I rushed this semester as a sophomore and it sucked, I had no recs. My other favs were Chi-O, Kappa, and KD, but they're competitive. Sometimes it hard to compete for attention with a bunch of pampered designer-clothed princesses, esp. ones who can be condescending. At the same time, there are so many wonderful people here.

artemisoracle: I think my attraction to Southern men has something to do with the accent and the manners. I like being treated like a princess, but I know not to act too much like one. Also they're not what I grew up with-and I like change. You would think wanting frat boys would limit my choices down here, but it doesn't really. I didn't even know that the guy I asked to formal was even a frat boy until he mentioned it to me, and I assumed he wasn't. The percentage of Greeks here is pretty high, though, and the type I tend to be attracted to tends to be part of a fraternity. I'm willing to meet people outside of the party scene, and when I do, they usually end up being frat guys anyways. I agree with you, and I don't want to have to play games to get anyone to be interested in me, I just wonder what it is that other girls do that I am doing wrong. I've heard from my friends about manners lessons and debutante balls and all, and I wonder if among all that they learned something imp't. that I missed out on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 04-08-2003 - 10:24am
Have you tried getting involved with the GDI instead of other Greeks? My experience is that the brotherhood and peer pressure of doing what others are telling you is quite strong. Most group of younger men encourage casual relationships while they set a foundation for their future...as if it is impossible to have a strong relationship and work on school at the same time. Find a strong, attractive, independent thinker who works to pay his way through college and I think you will find that you'll get your calls returned and be treated very much the way you would like.

I find people either depend on themselves or on others. Find someone who depends on themselves and who has the strength to do what others don't have the courage to do themselves.

Curtis...a midwest guy.