Is it the thrill of the chase.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Is it the thrill of the chase.
19
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 11:12am
Is it the thrill of the chase for a man. I'm trying to understand how a male mind works. With the man I have been seeing, I find if I show too much wanting so to speak, like if I initiate any emails, or texts, he'll pull away. So usually I don't, instead vanish on him. Then he goes crazy trying to find me. I guess he wants to be the chaser so to speak, which feels nice, so the ball is in his court. Just wondering why this is.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 1:16pm
I'm not a guy but in my experience you're right, the guys do like to be the pursuers.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 2:13pm

Not all men work like that, but this one certainly does.

I find that a man who has any degree of self-awareness and confidence doesn't play games like this. His behavior may indicate that you're barking up the wrong tree if you're looking for a relationship of any significance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 3:07pm
he does not play games, i just find he is the one that likes to be in control and chase. so i leave the control to him. i'm not saying that i never contact him, because i do, but i never call him. like i said he wants total control. i'm ok with it, i like my man to take charge. i'm wondering if this is the case with a lot of men, the chase.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 3:30pm

What you're not seeing is...that the desire to have TOTAL control IS a game.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 4:53pm
Yeah, I came back to respond with something very similar. It's a "game" when he isn't interested in being straightforward, and your only way of communicating with him is to allow yourself to be manipulated by some system he's set up so that he can feel in control. You can call it what you want I suppose if the phrase "game playing" doesn't hit home with you, but his approach doesn't exactly exude maturity or sincere interest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Thu, 04-22-2010 - 9:52pm

"I think a lot of Ladies think that as long as a guy isn't hitting them, blatantly lieing to them, or sleeping with their friends he's not a "bad person". There's a lot of grey in there."

maybe, maybe not. i do like my man to have total control. whether it's sincere or not, time will tell. i'm not looking for happily ever after. i just look for one day at a time, and see what it brings. right now he brings to me what a man in my eyes should bring, and i bring to him what a woman should bring in his eyes. we again take one day at a time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 8:33am
You're "training" him by not setting requirements.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 9:09am

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 9:18am
Tom I'm glad you feel that way! As an assertive woman I really love to "chase". Of course, we do have to get something back in order to feel like we're getting somewhere... But other male friends confirm that it's sexy for a woman to be forthcoming sexually/romantically rather than playing hard to get or waiting for the man to make a move. Glad the tables are turning. Thanks for responding!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Fri, 04-23-2010 - 8:03pm

Tom, thank you for saying that you like my name. It's nothing special when i made a user name. I love the fall. The part of the U.S. I live in, the fall is so pretty. I came up with that name.

I always thought men wanted to be the hunters, I guess it's changing.I would say i'm pretty happy with my situation. Sometimes he frustrates me, but in all honesty we get along very well. I enjoy being chased, it makes me feel desired and like a woman. If I chase, and sometimes I do like this morning I did, I feel like i'm less desireable.

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