It's finally over, for good this time

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
It's finally over, for good this time
13
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:02am
I haven't been posting much about my situation, because we got back together briefly (even though I *knew* he was lying to me, I somehow thought we could work things out). The whole sordid saga is in the following posts:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlthirty&msg=7985.1&ctx=128

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlthirty&msg=7985.40

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlthirty&msg=8003.1&ctx=0

I know it's for the best, but it really hurts that he could do this to me.

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 11:10am
I'm sorry you had to go through all this crap with him hon. You deserve so much better than what he gave you. Here's hoping that you find what you're looking for!

Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 5:30pm
I don't know what to say Sheri.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. I wish I had some magic words to make it all better, but I don't. Just be sure to rely on your friends if you need to. I have a standing agreement with one of mine that if she feels like calling her ex, four o'clock in the morning, I don't care. She's to call me. And she does. And sometimes it's a pain, but I'd rather her call me than get herself wrapped up in the wrong guy again.

(((Sheri)))

~Artie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-21-2003 - 5:36pm
Thanks, Omu and Artie, I really appreciate the hugs and support.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Tue, 04-22-2003 - 10:57pm
What would you do differently? What have you learned? Do you

think you'd spot the lies quicker? If you met someone like him

would you not date him in the first place? Are there signs that

you'd pick up now that you didn't before? Was the pain worth the

fun part? Curious.

Sorry about the heartbreak. Unfair. I had a friend who would

tell me when I was really pissed off.. your reward is

in heaven!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 1:16pm
Isn't it amazing how we tend to give them so many chances to prove our intutions about them are wrong and we give them enough rope just to hang themselves. I totally understand where you are coming from... my BF once gave me some really good advice....

If you continue to have contact with those who hurt you, it is like making a small cut on your arm and everytime you have contact, just stick your finger in that cut and soon it will become fested and continues to bleed, cut off contact and the wound will begin to heal. Kinda graffic but so true... I took it to heart and it works if you think along those lines....

We can only live and learn, and grow and I know you have walked away with something from having been in this relationship, the next one can only be better cuz your wiser!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:11pm
The part that got me with your post was, "it really hurts that he could do this to me". He did this to himself and cost himself the chance to have something deep and immensly rewarding with someone who is strong, loyal, interesting, beautiful, and caring. There are few people qualified for someone like you. You didn't grow to become the person you were overnight, and few people have dedicated so much time and energy to their own self improvement. If we were all such high quality people, iVillage would have less than 1/100th of the boards that they do. You are a lighthouse in a big sea of disfunction and people who are not use to living up to such seemingly "normal" expectations will crash on the rocks below you. He didn't do this to you, you are still the wonderful person you are. If we all had X-Ray vision to each other's souls, you wouldn't have given him the time of day from the start, but he either saw who you were and tried to be the type of person that would be worthy of you, but failed, or he put on an act in hopes he could get you so attached to him that when he showed his true colors, you'd accept it. Either way, he lost, you are that much smarter, and you remain the kick-butt awesome woman that we know.

So you keep on keepin on and take the advice my grandmother gave me when I was three-years-old: "Go wash that dirt off of your hands before you pick up anything else."

Curtis

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:38pm
Interesting questions! I definitely plan to go back to my more normal "take things slow" pace in dating--I threw that out the window this time, because it just seemed so right. It seemed that we were both mature people who knew what we wanted, and finally found it in each other. As I said to many friends in the first couple months, I was more freaked out that I *wasn't* freaked out than because things were moving so quickly. But it really does take time to know someone well enough, and hard as it is, it's so important to keep a "time will tell" attitude early on. If I hadn't been on such a cloud nine, I may well have not excused things that happened early on (like him putting his ad back up when I went on vacation back in October). I read through my journal last night, back to the beginning, and there were definitely things that happened that with 20/20 hindsight, I should not have allowed him to explain away.

I don't regret having fallen in love; it was a LOT of fun at times. And there's no way to eliminate the risk in romantic relationships completely.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:40pm
Thanks TL. I managed to take the steop of blocking him from calling me, but I haven't blocked his email yet, because I want him to acknowledge how much he hurt me and apologize. I know the chances of that happening are, well, pretty much *zero*, but I'm not ready to close the door yet. I will take that step very soon, however.

Sheri

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 2:42pm
Curtis, thank you so much. You made me cry, but in a good way ;-). I know what you say is true, and I thank you for reminding me.

I loved your grandmother's saying; that part made me laugh ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 04-23-2003 - 3:04pm
Great! As if you weren't on enough of an emotional roller coaster as it was, I made you laugh and cry in the same post.

Selfless people rarelly take the time to see how beautiful and unique they are. Take some time to look in the mirror and to see exactly why the people who get to know you are happy they did.

Now put down the mirror...gosh you are so vain.

;-)

Curtis

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