Just not into me? or something else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Just not into me? or something else?
10
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 6:51pm

I've been friends with this guy for a while. About a month ago, we started seeing each other (or rather sleeping

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2008
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 7:29pm
I think all men get in a funk around the one month mark...while in our minds, things are fine and we don't need a label on things yet...it's like they think a commitment needs to be made or something, so they start thinking about it, and freaking themselves out about it. Be patient, and he will probably get over it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 01-31-2010 - 9:06pm

If I'm not mistaken, this all went pear-shaped after he asked you what type of relationship you want this to be...and you said that you didn't know.

Could he be feeling that you're deliberately holding back, playing games with him?

Other options are: he was disappointed that you've given no thought to the future of the relationship. Or he could be feeling unimportant to you right you.

But no matter what our guesses are, he's the only person who really knows how he feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 5:57am

Relationship status:
You said you didn't want a label so he didn't give you one and you're upset about that????? What?????? He was only doing what he thought you were indicating you wanted. He thought YOU were AVOIDING the b/f-g/f label.

Funk due to friends going out:
Why did the friends leave when you arrived the night he wanted to go with them? Did you scare them off? Did they think he wanted to be alone with you? Did he feel obliged to stay because you'd just arrived and they didn't or you couldn't or wouldn't go out with them?

IF he got into a funk because he felt obliged to stay because you had just arrived then I would be a bit cautious of where his mood and attitudeis going to go with this in the future. He may have wanted to go with them but he shouldn't be getting into a funk and laying it on you like it was your fault. He invited you over, he has to make sure you're OK. That could include talking with you about the options - it doesn't include just sitting there feeling annoyed because he couldn't go out with the guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 8:46am
I also believe that your RS went into downward spiral after you bailed out on the status.
if its still possible, come clear now and honestly tell him that it took you by surprise and what you really want is to have RS with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 11:58am

I totally didn't scare his friends off; I got there and they all filed out the door saying "oh, you're pussing out because of a girl." I think that that probably did not help his mood.


How do I bring this all up to him to clear the air? I don't want to push him away even more, not to mention that he's the one who told me to back off...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 7:02pm

he told you to 'back off'? I wasn't aware of this! (Did I miss it in your first post?)

In that case, please disregard my previous post because this changes everything. I'd have to say that he's perhaps a little into you, but nothing huge.

In any case, wouldn't you be better off with someone who doesn't leave you wondering?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 7:27pm

I think it sounds like he's into you, but he's not sure what you want and he's not really sure what he wants either.

I think you give it a couple of days, and then just bring up the topic casually - like, hey, I think we had a misunderstanding the other night and I wanted to clear the air. It sounds like both of you are kind of jumping to conclusions about how the other feels without actually asking each other or talking about it. Don't be afraid to be honest....if you're not quite ready to be in a "relationship", tell him that, but also tell him that you're having a lot of fun with him and really like him and that you just need a little more time.

It also sounds a little like he's being immature and doing the whole push/pull thing by inviting you over and then acting sulky and saying you should leave, then calling you later and wanting to meet up. Tell him it's okay for him to just say what he wants (i.e. go out with the guys but meet up later), but you're not into being jerked around like that. Then stick to it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 7:41pm

I must have missed the "back off" comment too - that makes quite a difference if he's told you to back-off. Maybe he isn't into you?

He's being immature about the friend's night out. His friends are being immature about the friend's night out and how he's wussing out because of a girl. I still don't know what your plans for the evening were, but is it possible that he could have gone with them and you could have hung around his place? Could you have gone withthem or was that a guy-only thing? He needs to take some responsibilty for what happened - he invited you, didn't he? He can't have these things both ways; inviting you over and then bailing to go out with the guys. He should have gotten himself more organised.

I don't see how a heart-to-heart conversation will help at present. I'd say something about the relationship status, someting like "Oh about what to call us? You were asking a couple of days ago and I said "I dunno" (cause I was surprised), I'd be happy to call us a couple if that's what you want."
Leave it at that and move on to whatever else is going on unless he wants to talk about it more.

As for his mood? Don't do anything. His problem. The answer is clear - he should have planned his own life better and not given you attitude. He'll do better next time with no intervention on your behalf.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Mon, 02-01-2010 - 11:22pm

you guys are awesome! massive <>


I've been trying to back off a little like he asked me to... I still got my "good morning" text and have tried to be a little more impersonal and etc. since. He did text me when he got home from work, which is good I guess, just a little "how are you" thing... but I *think* things might be okay..


This guy, I feel like it might be something really special... so I am so trying not to screw things up.... but I've made up my mind... if he wants me enough, now he'll come and get

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-02-2010 - 2:39am

Good luck - personally from my experience if it is meant to be then very little will scare someone away. Provided you're not a stalker and watching everything they do, or wanting to spend all your free time with them, or checking up on them or calling them every two seconds, things should work out OK with both of you wanting to spent 95% of your time together (at least for a little while anyway).

From what you're saying? I dunno. You're either being a little bit of a stalker and freaking him out, or he's not that into you. Since it's not often you meet someone that could be considered personal stalker material, I'm leaning towards "he's not that into you."