Keep running into the same kind of hopeless situation with men
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Keep running into the same kind of hopeless situation with men
| Sat, 12-10-2011 - 9:43am |
In the past several years, I've been having the worst luck with dating. My last real relationship where there was mutual love ended 8 years ago and essentially, I've been single since then with some "boyfriends" every now and then.
I say "boyfriends" because there's been something dysfunctional with all of them, the dysfunction being that they didn't love me they way I needed to be loved. Just to give some examples, the last guy repeatedly told me he loved me and asked that I do the same even though he saw no future with me and couldn't even make time once a week to see me. The guy before him loved being with me but also so no future. The guy before him told me he would never love me and didn't believe in marriage only to turn around and ask me to marry him...after I left him and the country. And he still maintained that he didn't believe in love. The guy before that saw no future with me either because we were different ethnicities and his parents didn't approve. Do I need to go on? I met all these guys by chance without looking.
I just went out on a couple of nice dates with a guy I met by chance in a coffee shop, and he has been basically remaining distant. He has been hinting about having sex and I guess I've just been kind of ignoring those hints and he gave up?
I'm 34 and I'm beginning to lose hope. Plenty of men want to date me but most of the time, they want sex with no substantial relationship. They start kissing me in public places like coffee shops and bars on the 1st and 2nd date. Is this normal? I have no clue anymore because it happens all the time.
If I do end up dating them for some time, they don't introduce me to the people in their lives and I don't feel their love. I'm attractive sweet, smart, funny, personable (or so I've been told) and have goals I'm working on every day. I look for the same in a man. I don't look for money. He just has to have a job (any job) and treat me right. I don't chase men and I just let them come to me.
If it helps any, I live in NYC. It's terribly hard to find a man here who is looking for a relationship. It just feels like looking for a diamond in a minefield. Is my situation normal or am I just having a string of bad luck?
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I'm curious about why these men hit on you for sex like that. Are you disclosing too much about yourself on the first date or perhaps dressing to provocatively? I'm not trying offend you, I'm just asking to get a better idea of what is happening on these dates. Can you provide more information about the conversations you have on these first dates? Also, do you allow the guy to plan the date and try to impress you? Or are you taking charge?
Maybe trying a different approach will help. Let the man do the planning of the initial dates and see what happens. A decent guy who is truly interested will be happy to oblige. :) I was a single parent and was so used to doing everything myself that I would lead with my masculine energy foot too. I ended up getting the same results you are right now. Once I changed that, the dynamic changed as well.
Hope this helps.
The key is to lead with your feminine energy and if the guy is a good match for you he will go out of his way to romance you. Part of that is resisting the urge to take charge of the date. :) Let him show off and try to impress you...it's part of courting. Another good tip I recently learned about online dating is to choose a date from the pool of guys that have chosen you. It means he fished you out and is interested in learning more about you.
It's funny how you interpreted your friends' suggestion into you have to look for socially inept, bad looking guy and "you can attract better."
I wouldn;t rule out the online dating option either. Yes, there are a lot of crazies out there, but it does give you the option to see a picture and see if you have any common interests. I met my SO on line and one of the things I liked was that I already knew a little bit about him, when he sent me the "flirt".