a little confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2009
a little confused
7
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 1:14am
i have posted on here several times
but anyway my b/f left me after 9 years and it has been 2 weeks since we have seperated, after 3 days of breaking up i found out he was seeing this girl that he works with, so i left him alone i didnt call or text him for 2 days than i got so lonely that i emailed him and so the next day he called me and he told me that he slept with her and that he was sorry and it was a mistake and he said he wanted to try and work it out.
so i told him maybe but that i needed a little time to think about it, so the next day we talked a little on the phone and i still told him i needed some more time, and than the next day came and i tried calling him and he ignored me all night and didnt answer his phone so today i texted him and he said he left his phone in his freinds car and just got it back, well now hes telling me that he dosent no if he wants to get back with me now, and hes saying that i will never change and we will just end up hurting eachother again,
so now im even more confused he leaves me cause he said i was being mean towards him than he goes and sleeps with someone than he calls me crying cause he wants me back and than in 1 day he changes his mind and dosent want to work it out, i just dont understand anymore why would he call me crying and wanting me back and than change his mind like instantley
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 8:07am

Maybe he had a weak moment, it can happen when you've been with someone a long time

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 8:09am

The only way to salvage this relationship is through counseling. Tell him that you love him, and want to learn how to communicate with each other better, and to learn to treat each other better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2009
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 3:54pm
thank u for your advice,
its funny cause when we were talking he is the one that mentioned that we both needed counsling but he never said he wanted to go to counsling to try and fix our relastionship. so i dont think hes willing to try he is obviousley done with me and wont give me another chance, it just hurts knowing that it is so easy for him to just walk away after 9 years and not care anymore, anyway thanks again
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 9:02pm

>>it just hurts knowing that it is so easy for him to just walk away after 9 years and not care anymore<<

Bmniel, you're still being a victim here....and you're not going to get over this until you take responsibility for your part in the end of the relationship.

Just to reiterate: He left you easily because of the way you treated him when you were dating. I'm sure he was very hurt when you cheated on him and then when you consistently accused him of cheating on you. You hurt him so badly that he had to leave the relationship. You feeling hurt is simply a natural consequence for your choices. He didn't do this to you: you did it to yourself.

Why did he call you and then change his mind? As issytish said, he probably had a moment of weakness. But then his rational side kicked into gear. He made sure to stop and realise that he needs to be out of this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 02-27-2010 - 9:48pm

He did give you another chance, he broke it off with you in July

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2009
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 4:54pm
i know im blaming him for everything and i shouldnt be, i no its over now cause he finally told me it was, he said we are better off apart and he knows that i can find somebody and as for him that he has lost his way and he also told me that he has been going to church and talking with a pastor to try and seek guideience, and i feel really bad cause i think im the one that caused him to lose his way and i feel like im the one that pushed him away and now he dosent want to try and give it another chance but i dont blame him for that. im just hurt cause i really didnt even get to say goodbye to him face to face cause of the way it ended.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-28-2010 - 5:32pm

I know how much a face to face goodbye means. However, it is also something related to respect. You pretty much lost the right to a respectful goodbye when you treated him with disrespect.

It's that old thing called Karma.

Having said all that, don't be too hard on yourself. There are no mistakes in life....only learning experiences. Learn from this and you'll be far better equipped for future relationships.