At a loss

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2007
At a loss
Tue, 04-13-2010 - 11:53pm

I think I know the answers I'm going to get posting this, but I am at a total loss and I just need to get it out.

I met this guy a few weeks ago on the internet. We started corresponding religiously and then quickly turned into texts messages. After a few text messages, we starting talking on the phone. Our phone conversations were an hour plus long. We really hit it off and felt comfortable. After a week of phone calls and text messages, I went to his house for dinner. He is a full-time father and so I immediately met his son. His son was instantly attracted and we all hit it off. After the son was put to bed, we continued to talk and watch tv. Then one thing led to another and...yes, I stayed the night. It's not my typical MO, but I figured we were two consenting adults. The next morning everything was still good. I eventually went home, got cleaned up and then went back over. Again, I stayed the night. He continued to call and/or text everyday. Then he invited me back over later that week for a bbq with his friends (his son was not there). We all got along and everything was great. There were a few incidences throughout the night that he was not pleased with and he let it be known. I had hit him a couple of times throughout the night for something smart he said. They were more like love taps, but I guess they were harder than he had liked. Then after having sex, I made a comment about other women and that put him off. He told me that jealousy and insecurities don't get me anywhere. I heard it and listened and thought we had already addressed it.

This relationship is still very new and I am human. I want to know where I stand with the man I am sleeping and spending time with. So the next evening he brought it up again and I thought we were talking it out. Well, I haven't heard from him since. I let a day or so go by and then I texted him something short and sweet. He responded and that was that. I tried to call him later that day, but he didn't answer. I left a message but never heard back. It's now been a couple of days since I've left that message and still not a peep. I can understand that things don't work out with people, but that is not the vibe I got. I met his son. I stayed the night. I met his friends. He was ready to introduce me to his mom.

I know that most of you will say that I've only known him a short awhile and that I should just move on, but I feel like I've been broad-sided. I am taking full blame for the ending of this is it's driving me crazy. Just the night before he told me we had real potential and then I don't hear from him again. I don't get it. Please help and be compassionate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
In reply to: sweetness042
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 1:44am

Well Sweetness, if he's changed his mind then I guess he just has and unfortunately there's nothing that can be done about it.

The only thing I can say is from what you posted it sounded like too much instant intimacy. You mention you slept with him right away, met his son and friends, etc. as if it meant the two of you really had something deep going on but then I read closer and it looked like about three dates. That's still pretty much a stranger, isn't it? In deep too soon is hard because it doesn't in any way lessen the chance that one person will just decide to pass after the first few times together, and then you've got a bigger thing to get over than is really warranted by the circumstances. Maybe



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
In reply to: sweetness042
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 9:49am

You're correct. You should just move on. Why would you want to be with someone who gets all nit-picky about little things you do? I don't understand how he could be saying there is "potential" when you don't even know each other. Emailing, texting, talking, meeting a few times, etc, is not really knowing someone. You see what they want you to see.

To me he sounds a little controlling. Maybe he doesn't like that you're bringing up the relationship word, trying to contact him, etc. Personally, I say, let him go.

blackandwhite2.jpg picture by nhgal2006

A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others,
makes all the difference.
Winnie the Pooh

28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: sweetness042
Wed, 04-14-2010 - 10:24am

I don't think you have any choice but to move on, unless you want to fake a pregnancy or do something really drastic to force him out of hiding (I obviously don't suggest this). Ignoring you is his way of ending the relationship. It may not be the easiest way for you to accept that this is over, but it's his choice and it needs to be respected. You can't force a relationship with someone who doesn't want one.

Based on getting to know you in person, he's decided that you're not the right woman for him and he would rather date someone different. That's sometimes part of the getting-to-know-you process - Deciding that you don't want to continue. Until you know someone really really well, things can turn around in an instant.

It's possible he's been burned by women with insecurities before and he's trying to avoid further problems. If this is the case, then he's making the wisest decision for himself.