Man Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Man Question
3
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 12:57pm

Hello everyone!

I've been with my BF about a year and a half. He's 42, I'm 33. Recently he has been complaining that he feels himself going soft. Not in the sexual sense but in the overall physical.

This all started when two weeks ago he went to his parent's house to help out with some things. Moving furniture, installing lights, fans, etc. He did a full day’s work and then his back hurt for a week.

He has brought it up a few times and apparently, this is really bothering him. I'm wondering if these are signs of the famous male "mid-life-crisis" coming on! He hates the fact that these "simple tasks" take such a toll on him.

All he does is talk about how "back in the day" he used to load trucks for a living. It was hard, physical labor and the hours were long. Uh… this was in his 20's. I don't want to keep pointing a finger and insinuating "hey, you are old now" but I'm at a bit of a loss to say. I've been listening and understanding so far and just let him talk.

I think he might discredit me a bit because we aren't the same age. Heck, I can't do everything I could do at 22 either. I notice a difference in my night vision- which I told him.

My question is this: Is there anything I can say to him to make him feel better? Is this normal behavior for guys in their early 40's? Will it pass?

He said he doesn't want to join a gym but will start doing some stretches and conditioning at home. I offered the idea of taking walks together.  Honestly, I just think he needs to accept it but he really seems to have trouble gripping the realization. Inwardly, I admit that I giggle a bit. I would never laugh at him directly but would rather find a way to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2013
In reply to: nad215
Tue, 09-17-2013 - 1:53pm

No way this is a mid-life-crisis issue.  At 42 there could be many reasons for his lack of stamina in doing chores and laborious work.  The ones most likely are lack of sleep, not being in shape, gaining weight, sitting on his butt too much and not moving, alcohol or tobacco use, or other drug usees.  Back in the day his work routine kept him in shape and moving.  Loading trucks all day long had him in better physical shape than a gym rat who goes 5 times a week and spends several hours each day.  He maybe is now feeling what it is like to be a normal  male who doesn't move enough to have any stamina.  I'm 58 and I do have these issues that I can attribute solely to not moving enough as I have been lazy about not staying in the shape I was in 10 years ago.  When I was 48 I was in better shape than I ever was when I was younger and I could do more than I had ever done before even at 25.  The human body was designed to move and you must keep moving to stay fit and have stamina, it's that simple.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: nad215
Tue, 09-03-2013 - 9:33am
Excellent ideas Joe Buck! I'll remind him that his is a great lover. He also likes tinkering with the cars so complimenting him on that would work too. I'll work on pointing out the things he does so well. It seems obvious to me now, but I really was at a bit of a loss of what to say. Saying "you aren't THAT old" was falling flat. Thank you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2007
In reply to: nad215
Fri, 08-30-2013 - 4:27pm

44,M here.  He may be having a small, small mid-life crisis, so remind of things that he does that are very manly man. Reminding him that he turns you on sexually, and that he is a good lover, is never a bad idea.  Maybe remind him of his full head of hair, or that it isn't graying.  (If he is losing his gray hair, this may be a problem.)  Or maybe how handy he is around the house, or how he knows cars..  It sounds like he could use an honest ego stroke, who couldn't.  Make it genuine, off hand and not a prepared speech.  Having it come across as fake could be quite hurtful.