Man sending mixed messages - Is he interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2013
Man sending mixed messages - Is he interested?
4
Thu, 02-21-2013 - 5:39pm

Hi!

I've had a crush on this man for a long time... secretly, for several years actually. I've seen him once in a while in parties etc. Now I really need some advice to figure out if he could be interested! I had a relationship with a man he for some reason dislikes, but we broke up couple of months ago. I've spent a lot of time with my crush in parties - till early hours, chatting about things personal to him, or to me. Still it's seemed he dislikes me - I actually told him I thought he doesn't like me, and he said that's cause he doesn't... But he continued that in a way he likes me a lot, and that it's complicated. (At that time I was still with this other person, please know I would have never cheated on him despite of this crush!) He also said, just out of a sudden and casually, that he isn't interested in me. That hurt... It was so hard to hide how much I care for him, I just acted somewhat offended "Well that's flattering" etc.

Since my break-up I've seen him in a party (once again) and during early hours we didn't talk that much, just glanced a bit. Later we spent some more time together, almost everybody else left but we stayed to talk; this time I did most of the talking. He just kept asking about my ex: "Why him? Why him?" During that night he also touched me on several occasions, casually my arm etc - earlier there was nothing like that! He also came to me to tell me that there are few people he can approve of but that I could be one of them ... And I became angry at him, because he sounded so rrgh.. self-sufficient (I know he was trying to be nice in some weird way and he was surprised of my reaction). After some time he told me, once again out of the blue, that he doesn't feel attracted to me... I never asked :/ Later he told me that he likes me "so much". And asked me "why are you still sitting here, with me?" I just couldn't tell... That I care for him, although he can be incredibly annoying, and has also been rude to me sometimes. Just can't help it! I'm sure you understand what I mean.. Please tell me, do you think there could be something between us!

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 02-22-2013 - 7:59pm

There is not enough to go on.  However,if he does not reciprecate then move on.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Fri, 02-22-2013 - 8:33pm
The only mixed signals seem to be the ones you want to see. He's made a point of telling you several times he's not attracted. Clearly he enjoys the attention and must realize you have a crush on him, so he's milking that for all it's worth and playing with you, doing just enough to keep the attention going and slapping you down at the same time. You must value yourself more than this.
 
The rest of it just seems weird, he sounds weird, the interactions sound weird. Would guess there's some alcohol involved. Not sure how long you want to continue with this, but eventually it would seem best to go to different parties away from him so you can start being open to finding someone who wants to be with you for real and is a guy who can pull it together better than this one.
Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Sat, 02-23-2013 - 12:11am

Please turn your attention to the bolded below from your post:

annah877 wrote:
<p>Hi! <br /><br />I've had a crush on this man for a long time... secretly, for several years actually. I've seen him once in a while in parties etc. Now I really need some advice to figure out if he could be interested! I had a relationship with a man he for some reason dislikes, but we broke up couple of months ago. I've spent a lot of time with my crush in parties - till early hours, chatting about things personal to him, or to me. Still it's seemed he dislikes me - I actually told him I thought he doesn't like me, and he said that's cause he doesn't... But he continued that in a way he likes me a lot, and that it's complicated. (At that time I was still with this other person, please know I would have never cheated on him despite of this crush!) He also said, just out of a sudden and casually, that he isn't interested in me. That hurt... It was so hard to hide how much I care for him, I just acted somewhat offended "Well that's flattering" etc. <br /><br />Since my break-up I've seen him in a party (once again) and during early hours we didn't talk that much, just glanced a bit. Later we spent some more time together, almost everybody else left but we stayed to talk; this time I did most of the talking. He just kept asking about my ex: "Why him? Why him?" During that night he also touched me on several occasions, casually my arm etc - earlier there was nothing like that! He also came to me to tell me that there are few people he can approve of but that I could be one of them ... And I became angry at him, because he sounded so rrgh.. self-sufficient (I know he was trying to be nice in some weird way and he was surprised of my reaction). After some time he told me, once again out of the blue, that he doesn't feel attracted to me... I never asked :/ Later he told me that he likes me "so much". And asked me "why are you still sitting here, with me?" I just couldn't tell... That I care for him, although he can be incredibly annoying, and has also been rude to me sometimes. Just can't help it! I'm sure you understand what I mean.. <img src="http://static.afcdn.com/world/communaute/forum/imforum/smiley/g20.gif" border="0" /> Please tell me, do you think there could be something between us!</p>

No, there is nothing between you two but a game.

He's a game player.

The only reason I can see as to why he "likes" you (and I think he likes shredding your esteem more than he likes you) is because he probably would love to use you to get back at your ex who he doesn't like, since he seems so fixated on him... and you seem willing to play along because you're confusing genuine like and attraction for game playing.

It may be because you're lonely and want a new boyfriend that this clown is looking so good to you--but he is more than telling you everything you need to hear in order to steer clear of him.  What reason could you possibly have for wanting to be with someone who has repeatedly told you that he doesn't like you, he isn't interested in you, he's not attracted to you and he's rude to you?  Do you not believe that you deserve a better estimation of your person than this?

That he flips back and forth in his rhetoric means there is something a bit off about him--maybe he's bi-polar or he's got personality disorders.  Have you asked your ex what the deal is between the two of them?  Maybe you should so you can adjust your focus with regards to this dude.

You deserve to be treated better than this and the first person who needs to come to that understanding is not him, but you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2001
Mon, 04-22-2013 - 3:34am

He told you twice he's not attracted to you.  Someone that is genuinely interested in you would not say that once, let alone twice.