man-speak "decoding" needed...please

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
man-speak "decoding" needed...please
3
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 12:16pm
just a quick question for any guys who may understand this kind of thing. ive been seeeing a guy for a few weeks, we're definitely interested in eachother, have kissed, etc. id consider us a couple. but here's the thing. he says things when were together like "sorry to take up so much of your time." and also, when his friends want to go do something he'll invite me but says things like "you wanna go? you don't have to....i can take you home. dont feel like you have to go." almost to the point where it seems he doesnt want me to tag along. then if we go, afterwards he says things like, "sorry to keep you out...blah blah." is this just a sign of new-relationship insecurities or is he hinting that i should take a hike? im not the type of person who needs undivided attention, especially so early on in a relationship. if he wants time with his friends, thats cool, but i don't want to be the moron who can't take a polite hint. whats your take?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 2:30pm
Title: As I have advised in the past...

In lieu of data otherwise (which doesn't have to be FIRM or ABSOLUTE data...just existant)...it is typically safe to assume that a man means what he says...no more, no less. Even if he meant more, it is a pretty safe fall back position ("But what you SAID was..."). Men, typically, will appreciate the rationality of that arguement, even if it goes against their intent, versus something along the lines of "well, I thought you meant...because you said...". It's the sort of thing that drives me nuts...can we just focus on what I actually SAID...nomore, no less?

Insofar as your circumstances, I'd say it is "just a sign of new-relationship insecurities ". He wants to try to be as accomodating as possible. I'd consider it flattery. If it bothers you, just tell him as much...

I'm reminded of back in college when I was having my "first date" (really, all we were doing was siting around my room) with a "friend" who would later become something more. I stubbed my toe...and she blurted out "I'm sorry"...as though she has something to do with it. So...I looked at her and asked "about what?"...to which she responded with kind of a "ummm...duh" look. We both had a great laugh...it was a great ice breaker.

Anyway...stop over analyzing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2003
Sun, 04-27-2003 - 2:43pm
ha. ive found myself inadvertantly throwing the random "im sorry" around for no apparent reason. must be a girl thing. thanks for your thoughts. i think i shall feel flattered.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-29-2003 - 12:05am
I think it *is* a girl thing. I'm always randomly apologizing for things I have no control of when I'm nervous.

Good luck with this, and if you do stop over-analyzing, let me know what method you used. This patch isn't doing a d@mn bit of good.

;-)


~Artie