man's opinion... abuse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
man's opinion... abuse?
6
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 1:36pm

i've been in a relationship for 9 months. overall the relationship is happy, filled with love and laughter. There have been a handful of incidents where he snaps - and becomes verbally abusive, mean and completely unreasonable.

recently, two of his close friends (one male, one female) have talked to me about his past drug/alcohol abuse and suggested that they thought he was better since we have begun dating. i really have fallen in love with him... and was somewhat unaware of any drink/drug issues until recently.

i'm trying to reconcile the i love you's with the mean comments. one day i'm amazing and the best thing that ever happened to him - the next day i'm immature and do not have the depth to understand him. one minute he is completely in love with me and misses me, the next he'll be fine on his own and blames me for keeping him up all night b/c he was so upset over me.
i'm reluctant to talk with friends about his outbursts because they will not like him and want to protect me - and they will always remember the bad.

i'm generally a really happy, social person - lately, i've been down and sad. i guess this forum gives me someplace to vent anonymously and get real thoughts from real people... bring it on. I think I know what I'll get back in responses....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 3:02pm

Any form of abuse, verbal, emotional, physical is a deal breaker in my book.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 3:24pm

I agree with the CL. What is there to love about that? Is that video him? I would have called the Police. You would WAY better off alone than with THAT man. What a loser!


You don't even have to listen to the words. Just the way he acts he would be out the door in my book. NO MAN treats any woman that way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You would have to be certifiably insane to stay with a man like that NO MATTER WHAT HE SAID.


I believe everyone should get a second chance. He was an addict? He just BLEW his second chance with you. NO MORE CHANCES unless you want to live a life of pain or in the ER. You want unconditional LOVE? Buy a Dog :) this guy has not changed at all. He talks a big game but has not changed one bit. LOSER LOSER LOSER



Listen to your friends. They obviously can
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2009
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 5:02pm

Jesus, is that your BF in the video?

Run. If he's like this after 9mos, when most people are still on their best behaviour, what will he be like in 9 years? What will he be like when you've added a home, bills, children and perhaps debt to your daily stresses?

RUN.

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 5:44pm

You already know your friends will cast a negative opinion of him if they knew how he treated you. So, you turned to total strangers to ask anonomously. And pretty much, I would say I have to side with your friends on this one, and I too am forming a negative opinion of the man.

So, Ill throw my vote into the RUN FAST AND FAR from this man, too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 7:29pm
thanks for your comments. I know this. the actual video was 10 mins long and i purposely didn't say anything while he ranted b/c I was sober and just in shock - he had no idea i had him on the video iphone. when I did show him, he cried and apologized. he's grown out of the apology phase and is now being confrontational again - not as abusive as the video but not very nice. i recognize it's time to let go... wanted to use the board to hear from people on the outside. Thanks again. Peace n Love.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 03-13-2010 - 8:48pm

When you're not comfortable in a situation and you know you don't like how things are or how you're treated,

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