married co-worker

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
married co-worker
16
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 10:08pm
A married man I work with flirts with me ALOT. We are both in our thirties. He likes to bump against me, wink, tell me how good I look, give that "look" up and down. He's "joked" about having a date with me (a group of us was going out after work. I invited him and he acted excited and said, jokingly, "are we going out on a date?") Is he testing the waters? The problem is I really like him and I know it would probably be crazy to get involved with him. I've done it before. (He left his wife, but also left me). Anyway, this has been going on for a couple of years and the flirting is getting more intense (from both me and him). Do you think he is trying to start something or is he just flirting?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 11:10pm
"Is he testing the waters?"

A: Oh, please. In my opinion, he is being a ____(!!!!!). I think he knows precisely what he is doing. What "waters" does he need to test?!?

"The problem is I really like him and I know it would probably be crazy to get involved with him. I've done it before. (He left his wife, but also left me)"

A: It is not a question of "probably"...it IS. If you've done it before, what experience have you learned from it to even consider something/anything *at all* with this man, other than as a professional colleague?


"Anyway, this has been going on for a couple of years and the flirting is getting more intense (from both me and him)."

A: You let it happen for that long? It wouldn't be an issue if you have not been receptive to his behavior, but apparently you welcomed them. And you are posting about it *now* because....???

I suggest that you end this now. I am guessing that these "flirtations" from both you and him are at a point where you want it to move beyond just that. And there is a secret hope that the behavior *really* mean something for you to project a potential relationship out of it.

Set your boundaries and leave him alone. He is married; he knows that and *you* know that. Where does that leave you? What would you allow yourself to be?

Only you can answer that, and whatever choice you make is the one that you will be living with.


Edited 9/26/2003 11:11:17 PM ET by carmelsf

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Fri, 09-26-2003 - 11:18pm
Sick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 8:19am
Why in the world would you be remotely interested in someone this smarmy? That's just tacky behavior to the nth degree!

I'd venture to guess that you have a serious level of low self-worth if you've already done the "married man" thing and are contemplating doing it again. My suggestion would be that instead of worrying about getting a little action, you worry about find a really good therapist.

Michelle

Fill with mingled cream and amber,
I will drain that glass again.
Such hilarious vis

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2002
Sat, 09-27-2003 - 11:58pm
<<< Is he testing the waters? >>>

No testing here. He is blatantly letting you know he wants some booty, and you're encouraging him.

<<< The problem is I really like him and I know it would probably be crazy to get involved with him. I've done it before. (He left his wife, but also left me). >>>

Crazy is a mild term... stupid would be more appropriate. I've never been able to understand WHY anyone would get involved with a married person! If they'll leave their spouse for you, how on earth could you EVER trust them not to leave you as well? Of course, if all you're wanting is a little afternoon delight and don't care whether you can trust him or not, then.. why not find some booty that doesn't break up someone's marriage and hurt their kids? Leave the married guys alone and stop encouraging them!

<<< Anyway, this has been going on for a couple of years and the flirting is getting more intense (from both me and him). >>>

because your flirting is encouraging him. Stop it.

<<< Do you think he is trying to start something or is he just flirting? >>>

Oh methinks it's already started. Where it goes is up to you.

Msfit



                  &nbs

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 6:13am
Just take it easy though...Coz if that guy really likes he doesnt have to flirt with you he could just say directly what he really feels about you..Try to ignore him and let see what will be his reactions..
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 5:29pm
Thanks to everyone for their replies.

In response to this:

"Just take it easy though...Coz if that guy really likes he doesnt have to flirt with you he could just say directly what he really feels about you..Try to ignore him and let see what will be his reactions.."

I don't think he would do that so directly unless he felt secure that I would be responsive, being that he is married. That's why I feel he's testing the waters. I feel he is unsure how I would react. He's obviously attracted, but is he just flirting or trying to "get some booty" as one poster said. Loved her post by the way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 9:33pm
I think it is irrelevant and you wouldn't care unless you were considering an affair. It takes two - please stop all contact with this man - you've been down that road before, got what you deserved, but also participated in the break up of a marriage - please find some other way to get an ego boost.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 9:58pm
Well Deena, I don't know if you can reason with a woman who thinks she is "hot stuff" because a married man is hitting on her. Anyway, the ego boost will be short-lived when he dumps her loser butt, and goes back to his wife.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:16pm
Say what you will, Lenda, I don't care what you think about me. I didn't exactly break up the last marriage. He was already planning on leaving. Their marriage was very much on the rocks. But he was a womanizer and I wasn't the only one he was with. (I didn't know it at the time).He was very good looking and attracted women left and right.

The current man is not good looking but we have great chemistry. I wasn't even attracted to him at first. I never intended to develop any feelings. It's very HARD not to feel anything, to just ignore it and walk away.

Oh, and I don't think I'm hot stuff just because he's interested in me. Don't make assumptions you don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:46pm
Geez, what's with the nasty posts, Lenda????

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