mixed signals
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| Thu, 02-22-2007 - 5:29pm |
Hi everyone! I'm trying to figure out a male colleague of mine. He's been flirting with me for several weeks (grabbing my pants pockets, invading my personal space by sitting and standing very close, saying that he's always hot when i'm around, raising his eyebrows a lot and staring at me in the break room, among other things). He asked me to join a day outing he's leading in a few weeks. and I had the impression he might be interested in me. We just had an office party and I was too shy to approach him when I arrived. All I managed was some eye contact across a beverage table and he raised his eyebrows like he liked what he saw. But when the slow music started playing he danced with several other colleagues. He didn't ask me to dance. I don't get it. Is he just playing with me?
Thanks for your input!

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You don't mention flirting back, so maybe he assumes you aren't interested in him. So why try to take things to the next step?
Brokk...
"I've asked him where he was (when he wasn't at the company dinner)"
There are many ways to ask that question, most being harmless and giving no indication of interest, just curiosity.
"also put a note in his mailbox apologizing for interupting a meeting he was in one day."
That sounds professional, not flirtatious.
"I admit I'm a bit shy but I thought I was sending out clear signals that I'm interested."
A clear signal is "Hey I'm interested". Everything else is mixed signals and innuendo. From what you say, he is a heavy flirter. No subltly. So what make you think he would recognize your mere whispers of interest? He could also flirt out of habit with everything that wears a skirt and has a pulse. Which for him, does not indicate a real interest. Just a fun habit.
"And I agreed to go on this company outing. So what more does he need?"
Well, a lot of people went on that outing. Does that mean they are all personally interested in him?
What does he need? Ask him out. That should give you a clear answer. Then you can put all these questions behind you.
Brokk...
Why don't you ask him if he is interested in you that way?
It sounds like he is interested in you to me. He overtly flirts w/you to give you that impression. Maybe he was too shy to ask you to dance w/him...
Well, I guess I just look at things this way, you can ask him and find out for sure one way or the other....or you can keep wondering....
I am the type that doesn't waste any time...life is too short.....and all we have is today...
I wouldn't ever want to wonder what if.....KWIM?
Here's an update: I went back to work Monday and tried to get up the courage to talk to him but didn't succeed. He didn't go out of his way to approach me either. When I passed him in the afternoon he looked at me but didn't say anything in reply to my shy 'hi'. He did sit near me during one of the breaks on Tuesday but that was probably coincidence and we didn't really talk to each other per se; we rather talked to each other through the other people sitting near us.
So I don't get this guy at all and I've decided to give up, because I have no idea how to deal with him. I THOUGHT he was somewhat interested but now I feel like he treats me like a space alien, which is a bit of a turn-off. I also feel like if I asked him at this point what's going on I could very definitely make a fool of myself. So, time to move on, eh?
That's the way the cookie crumbles, I guess.
Well, I thought this story was finished. We kept away from each other for about a week. Then this week I sat next to him in a meeting and when it was over he said something like 'that was nice with you next to me'. A few days later we were hanging out outside (just the two of us) and in the course of discussing our upcoming birthdays he asked me to go sailing.
Wah? I'm so confused.
Usually when a man wants a woman. He'll watch her from a distance, wait for the right timing and approach. He'll do a little flirting and would exchange numbers with the lady. I didn't see you post anything about him exchanging numbers...
I personally think he's messing with you. He more than likely knows you're shy , so he knows your vulnerable spots. I wouldn't embarrass myself by asking him. He should of told you he was interested in you a loooong time ago. He's an adult not a teenage "playboy". Playboy as in messing with girls , leading them on then as the girls fall for them they diss them.
Just leave him alone. If he liked you he wouldn't do it ONLY by flirting but by WORDS...
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