Moved too fast for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Moved too fast for him?
17
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 11:51am

What should I do? Just stay away from him for awhile?


I Finally went out with someone i've been establishing a friendship and flirting with for about 9 months. At the time he had a girlfriend, so although the chemistry was there we just kept things friendly. They broke up about 5 months ago and he finally asked me out in January. We went out and had a great time, and slept together (!). I know it happened too soon, we both knew it, but i wasn't surprised.

So last week on Valentines Day, we ordered dinner at my place and hung out. I expected him to spend the night, but he said he would be going home. He told me had recently ended a 4 year relationship, that was completely over, but he wants us to just take it slow. We talked about some other things, the connection we feel with each other, and how we both were shocked by the chemistry. I took the conversation as bad....i mean, i felt rejected.


He had to pick something up at my house the next day and told me how cute i looked in my "at home" clothes and glasses and about a band he wanted me to go see with him the next night. I just looked at him confused like is that going slow, seeing each other 3 nights in a row?"

Then Thursday I went to his Facebook page and saw he added his exgirlfriend to his friend list. Talk about freaking out! But i've calmed down a bit now.. I went to pick something up where he works and he looked completely happy to see me, told me i looked cute again and whatnot. I just don't know~ He's on the rebound i guess.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 12:19pm
I would take the "not too fast" thing to mean he's having fun but don't expect too much. Honestly, I don't think guys want to take it slow with women they're really into, even if they broke up with somebody a few months ago or a few minutes ago. Just my opinion and best wishes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 12:54pm
Well, we moved incredibly fast by having sex immediately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Tue, 03-02-2010 - 1:34pm
If you both want more from this relationship, then concentrate on being friends first. That's the beginning step. Take things slow, and sex will happen again when you're ready for it.




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I used to believe in forever,
but forever was too good to be true.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2006
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 10:38am
I completely disagree with your statement. Sometimes people want to build meaningful relationships without "rushing into anything". Definitely does not mean they are not into you, just the opposite i think. Taking it slow is definitely not the negative thing you are making it out to be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 6:04pm

Trust me, you don't "definitely" know anything. What you want to believe is not the same as experience or knowledge, sorry.




Edited 3/6/2010 10:02 pm ET by newyearpub
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 7:17pm

Thanks for all your opinions.


Well, we already had sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 7:28pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2006
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 9:42pm

"I wonder why your tone seems kind of argumentative or something instead of just posting your own opinion to OP."

I've noticed a somewhat disturbing pattern of answers on this site and others in which some posters have a pattern in forming replies to women seeking advice that seem to mask some sort of perversion in attempting to "dig under the skin" and make the OP feel worse than they already feel. Yours was such.

Sort of like that clique of mean girls in high school. They try and fake appearing nice on the outside, while laughing at their poor victim on the inside.




Edited 3/3/2010 9:48 pm ET by orchidrabbits1231
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 10:59pm

"I would take the "not too fast" thing to mean he's having fun but don't expect too much. Honestly, I don't think guys want to take it slow with women they're really into, even if they broke up with somebody a few months ago or a few minutes ago. Just my opinion and best wishes."


The above is my original post. What in that is "mean girls?" Nothing. Not one word. Please post your responses to the OP because I didn't come on here to put up with all this nonsense, okay?




Edited 3/6/2010 10:03 pm ET by newyearpub
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2009
Wed, 03-03-2010 - 11:20pm
i'm the original poster, there is only one. the other person is just giving their advice and opinion, same as you. I truly appreciate ALL viewpoints. My thoughts and emotions go back and forth, i've been through a lot in relationships. That's why the original post was so negative, maybe it's not that bad. The truth is I don't know...it could be any of these scenarios. Only time will tell, but i'll pull back for awhile. if only for my own sanity! But no matter what, eveything is something to learn from.
thanks again!

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