My head is still spinning. What just happened?
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|Mon, 08-11-2014 - 1:06pm|
Ok, a little background. This is about the same guy from "Accused of Lying" from last week. We have been seeing each other for a few months. I persued him for quite a while before he finally gave in to me (he was interested but didn't want to get involved with a woman who was still legally married). I told him at the time I just wanted a distraction, and he was ok with that. Over the past few weeks we have gotten a lot closer and it has felt more like a BF/GF relationship. We've had conversations that were slightly confessional regarding our feelings for each other and potential plans. I got the official paperwork for my divorce finalized and settled into a new place, and it felt like things were finally opening up. I wasn't ready for like an official status, but I wasn't ruling out that it could potentially go somewhere eventually. Now we could be seen in public together. We could do normal couple things.
So last night I was hanging out with him, and he was showing me something on FB. He was scrolling through his page and I noticed his status said "In a Relationship". I asked about it, and at first he said he doesn't ever update that and it was old. So I asked if he had a gf and he said it was complicated. then he said, "How do you know it isn't you I am in a relationship with?" I said that he either does or doesn't have a gf who isn't me, it isn't that complicated. He said they haven't been intimate in over a year and it was more complicated than that. That was the only detail he would give me. They have a child together (I knew about the child, but assumed they were broken up). I asked him why he didn't tell me, and he said that he resisted me for a long time but I was persistant. I said that he could have said he had a gf and let me decide if that would stop me. He said maybe he needed a distraction himself and didn't want to hurt me.
Then he said I had become more than a distraction to him and it scared him. He said I made him happy and he didn't want to lose that. I told him I don't want to be the other woman, that I'd just left a very emotionally damaging marriage and wanted my future choices to be healthy and beneficial. He said, "You just got divorced. You don't want to jump into a new relationship", so I said I didn't, but I didn't want to not have that as an option and he'd taken that away. The way he kept talking, it was like the only issue to him was that I'd just gotten divorced. That this other woman was a complete non-issue. I asked how she would feel about us and he just kind of blew it off like it wouldn't matter.
So he begged me to just ride this out with him. To not walk away just yet. He told me he has strong feelings for me and that I'm in his head all the time and he is worried that I don't really care for him and won't like him when I get to know him. That I'm the only good thing in his life right now. I told him I needed to think about it.
I feel so lost. Everything I thought I knew has been flipped upside down. He has become like a drug for me, and I can't seem to walk away even when I know I should. I know this is not a good path. I know that this is all wrong and it is only going to lead to empty promises and heartache.