Need clarity...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2010
Need clarity...
4
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 2:03am

I have been talking with this guy for about 2.5 months, and we are friends (nothing sexual, I promise you). We talk on a regular basis (at least 3x per week) and I enjoy hearing from him and spending time with him. I almost feel this level of awkwardness between us. I have been aware for at least a 1.5 months that I have these caring and affectionate feeling for him. I try to react to him very neutrally because I'm not sure what he's thinking.

For a while he has been throwing in something flirty into the conversation, or something "jokingly" sexually related. He will even drop these little questions like "what did you think of me when...?". I guess I'm not sure if the guy is fishing for flattery or genuinely wants to know if I'm attracted to him. I told him a long time ago that I thought he was very attractive and I enjoyed his company. But, I'm not the type of woman to answer something that I perceive as indirect or eluding to something. If he asked me directly, I would be honest with him that I am attracted to him. But, I would be hesitate to say more than that (that I am attracted to you on a deeper level) if all he really wants is a compliment! Does this make sense?

One more thing. For the record, I'm not so vain to automatically think that this person is interested in me as a potential romantic partner. However, it significantly bothers me that the question may come up. It bothers me because I can never recall being in a position where I have all these feelings of attraction and affection for a person, yet I feel like pursuing a romantic relationship would be destined for a dramatic failure. It just feels creepily strange...and I have no clue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2009
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 10:02am

You don't give enough details as to how you became friends, etc., to get a good read on things. Unless he is very shy or young and inexperienced in relationships, I really don't get why he hasn't made a move on you if he is really interested. Does he have a girlfriend that you don't know about, and is flirting with the idea of being with you instead, but can't yet because he has a girlfriend? Does he fear rejection, thinking you only like him as a friend? Who knows, but the longer you two go on in this holding pattern, the worse it's going to be, and getting you nowhere but frustrated.


Be straight forward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2010
Sun, 07-25-2010 - 12:00pm
Thanks. You have hits some key points that I have been wondering about. It would not surprise me if there was another woman in the picture. I do often feel like he may be testing the water with me, and I do (intentionally) come off as aloof and neutral (diverting the conversation when those little things come up). I guess I do that, because I feel like I need to figure him out more. I'm not really worried about remaining friends or anything, because I value that more than developing the relationship into a romance. I guess, I'm just curious...thanks, again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 7:44pm
Many shy guys do not have game. So they are looking for clues from you to go further. Shy,timid guys are not assertive or aggressive it will be up to you to help him understand you don't bite!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Wed, 08-04-2010 - 4:27pm

....."He will even drop these little questions like "what did you think of me when...?". I guess I'm not sure if the guy is fishing for flattery or genuinely wants to know if I'm attracted to him.".....


When he drops these little roundabout statements, turn it around on him.

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