Need Clarity

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Need Clarity
10
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 1:12am

I expressed interest on a dating site and he accepted my interest. He gave me his email address, so I emailed him just saying "hi". As a response to my first email, he asked me for my phone number. So, I sent it to him.

He gave me a call a week later. We talked for about 15 minutes or so. His number was blocked and during our conversation, I mentioned it to him. He said he would text me his number and he did. He has some family in my neck of the woods. He suggested we meet for coffee the next time he will be in my city. I responded "Sounds good."

He is studying in a med school and so I assume he must be keeping really busy which is fine as I'm a busy-bee myself. When we talked for the first time, he said we would have to keep in touch via text messages for now. I was OK with it as I plan on following him.

He didn't text me during the week. I assumed he was not interested and so I continued to find other suitors. When least expected, he called me on the weekend. He called me 3 times - twice from some other numbers and once from his number. I missed all his calls as I did not have my cell phone with me. He left me a voice mail that said "Just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing. I don't plan on coming to your city anytime soon. Thought I should let you know. Anyways, I'll give you a shout another time. Maybe we could Or maybe I'll text you."

I did not call him back, wasn't sure if I could. So, I sent him a text message "thank you for your voicemail. All is well and hope things are good at your end".

Though I'm not analyzing too much about the whole thing but considering I hardly understand the subtle hints that men normally give, I want to know what his voice message really meant. Simply put, I think

- he was just letting me know not to have my hopes up about him and me meeting up soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2006
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 8:12am
If he were to ask that question, what would be the point in telling him something other than the truth? To be honest, though, if he called you 3x and you didn't answer or respond, I would imagine that by the time he sent the last message, he was thinking that you were no longer interested but was giving it one last shot. Unless you respond to that message, I doubt that you will hear from him again so if you are interested, send him a message or call & let him know!
Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 9:00am

I did respond to him. Please re-read my post.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 10:35am

He doesn't live in your city and doesn't plan on coming any time soon. Therefore, you should cross him off your list of "potential suitors". And there is no reason you shouldn't be looking for other men anyway - you haven't even met this guy, so I don't see why you wouldn't continue to go on other dates, meeting other men, in the meantime.

I'm glad he extended the courtesy of letting you know he won't be visiting any time soon, but you need to look at the writing on the wall here - He is not going to call you. He is not going to visit. He doesn't want you to initiate contact. He's not interested, or he met someone else, and even if neither of those are the case, if he were interested enough in meeting you or dating you at all, then he wouldn't need an ulterior motive to visit your city ("I have relatives there anyway").

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 10:48am

Thank you. This was a good response. It made me come back to my senses. A couple of things though:

- I never stopped finding other potential suitors. I am going out on other dates and meeting other men as mentioned in my post.

- He made it very clear to me that he doesn't want me to initiate contact and that he is not planning to visit anytime soon. I knew this before coming onto ivillage to get more clarity

- What I didn't realize was what he was telling me subtly ie he will not call

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 11:30am

- I never stopped finding other potential suitors. I am going out on other dates and meeting other men as mentioned in my post.

Ok, the only reason I mentioned it was in your post you say: "I assumed he was not interested and so I continued to find other suitors" so I thought maybe you had been putting yourself on hold in terms of meeting other men. My mistake though.

Sometimes men (especially) will waver somewhere between "totally uninterested" and "not interested enough". This may be where he is. In

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 2:47pm

You're absolutely right. He IS wavering.

(1) In the first phone call he said we would have to keep in touch via text messages. Now he is "maybe I'll text message you."

(2) In th first phone call he suggested we meet up for coffee the next time he is in town. Now he is "I don't plan on coming that side anytime soon"

I feel so stupid that I sent him a text message when I got his voice mail :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 4:55pm

YOU ARE NOT STUPID! Sometimes people are vague. That doesn't mean you are stupid at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 6:36pm

My guess is that he is being very kind, but at this point in time is not that interested.

Avatar for sk3035
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
In reply to: sk3035
Thu, 02-02-2012 - 9:15pm

So, he called me 3 times and

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2007
In reply to: sk3035
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 8:06am

I think he just wanted to make sure that you knew "he wasn't coming to your city anytime soon." Since you didn't answer he was just sending a couple follow up messages to make sure you got them. Sounds like he was just being thoughtful. jp