Need guy advice please !! (i can't figure this out) :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2011
Need guy advice please !! (i can't figure this out) :(
5
Mon, 05-20-2013 - 4:17pm

okay so i really like this guy but he seems like kind of a player. he is a dj, so he meets and hooks up with a lot of girls. he has tried to hook up with me in the past, but we have only made out. he talks to me a lot, but it seems like he kind of plays games. one day he'll talk to me, the next day he'll act like i don't even exist. he is 24, but hasn't had a girlfriend since high school.. i don't know if he's into me. his room mate told me drunk that he talks about me a lot. he tried to get me to come over the other night, and i said that i would but not in the way he'd think. he was like "sorry to be pushy, i just had 4 glasses of wine. why don't we have a movie night sometime next week when im just chillin and not drinking?" i do want to hook up with him, but i'm afraid that would ruin any chance at a relationship. i just don't know how to get through to him without NOT hooking up. he doesn't seem like the type to try to hang out with a girl just to get to know them. he has a lot of groupies, and a whole list of girls im sure he can invite over so he's not lonely. but i don't want to be a groupie to him. so how do i go about this??? please any advice would be great?? :) i know he doesn't seem like the best guy to try to be in a relationship with, but for some reason i just don't want to give up on him. he seems to be emotional deep down, i just don't know how to get to him. he says he's done with sorority girls with no substance, and i feel that we connect on a lot deeper of a level than that. I too am done dating men with no substance. however, he is extremely good looking and i know that he's used to getting what he wants. people say that i am just as attractive, but for some reason i'm not confident when it comes to him. i don't think i've ever delt with a guy like this before. and to top it all off, i can't seem to find any other guys that i like half as much. i'm just frustrated... thanks to anyone who can give me some advice.

thanks all Smile

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

How do you NOT become just another one of the long list of hookups to this guy?  By not hooking up.  You'll probably have to look up who these people are since you're young & they are old actors, but Warren Beatty, who is old now, was/still is a very handsome actor who could get any woman and probably had tons of women throwing themselves at him at all times.  He was making a movie with Annette Bening, who's a lot younger than he is, and he wanted to date her--she didn't want to be just another woman he slept with, so I read that she made him wait 6 months to have sex!--Then they ended up getting married, having a bunch of kids and are still together years later.  I'm not saying that you should wait 6 months to have sex, but don't make the mistake of thinking that you can hook up with him and that suddenly he'll want to have a relationship with you.  He might not be interested in relationships at all, but if he actually is looking for something deeper, the woman he picks is not going to be another one in the long line of hookups--he'll be wondering why you are different from all the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

Dating a high risk guy like this is not worth the heartbreak. Past behavior is a great predictor of present and future behavior. It's frustrating to meet a really attractive guy with a fun personality, but his ethics or player tendencies don't make him good dating material. Women see things in men that they want to see in these cases, like you saying he has a depth of emotions. Women grasp for straws, trying to see if they will be the woman who changes this player. That he will see the light, that you are what he's been waiting for all his life and will be totally exclusive  with you forever. Sorry, but it's highly unlikely. No one woman will ever satisfy a player. And with him being a DJ, his willpower would be very weak with a constant stream of women fawning all over him. 

My advice? Since you haven't met anyone else you're interested in, then you need to start hanging out in different places. Don't go to the same old places. Try a different dance club. Take dance lessons like salsa or tango. Join a co-ed sports team. See what activity groups are meeting in your area on Meetups.com

A smart woman chooses a man she doesn't want to change. He should already have all the major qualities you want from the get-go. If he doesn't, he's not Mr. Right. There will be a guy out there who is attractive AND is also a one-woman man. Expand your activities for a better chance at meeting him. Good luck.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

 So you are frustrated.  Good this is just the way life is.  He will not be your conquest.  He has choices.  Most guys do not have a lot of choice.  This one does.  Methinks you too have had lots of choices and it gave you the feeling of power.  Now you are frustrated because his power is as great of greater than yours.  Two choices enter the area or run away, fish or cut bait, sit at the table and play your hand.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2012

It's pretty cool that he brought up you two should get together while he's not drinking and go on a date. That's a nice sign that he, at least on some level, wants to pursue you for you - not you for being another girl. Just take it slow and make him work for your trust. If he doesn't man up and take you to a movie, that's a good way to judge whether or not he's saying the right thing, or interested in doing the right thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2013

He plays games.  Walk away.  It's as easy as that.