Need An Outside Perspective

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2008
Need An Outside Perspective
Wed, 03-24-2010 - 10:50pm

I am looking for an outside perspective on my situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 12:47am

Towandas, when we hear the reasons why people want to marry, we usually hear about love, trust, compatibility, similar morals and ethics, sense of humour and wanting to grow old together.

However, your post mentions nothing of this. Instead, it sounds more like you want to marry him so that you're not a single mother anymore. A "marriage of convenience" if you like.

So, why do you want marriage to this man? What would make him a wonderful husband for you? And what makes you think that he would come good on marriage after all the years of false promises?

Also, how old are the two of you? If he is 22, my response will be very different to what I would write if he is 42.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 03-25-2010 - 6:53pm

I don't understand what you want. On one hand you don't want this man. On the other you only seem to want the validation that marriage brings.

I think that you need to make a firm decision and then make that happen. At the moment you're waffling. You don't know what you want.

Is marriage itself really that important? Would you be happy to be with him if he supported you and was with you but without a marriage certificate?

Do you still love him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2010
Fri, 03-26-2010 - 2:46am
It seems to me like both of you have ambivalent feelings, like you can't quite go forward with eachother but can't quite let go either. One thing I have never understood is when people say things like he is, that he wants to get married after he finishes his education. To me it doesn't
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Sun, 04-11-2010 - 10:32am
Hi Towandas, don't beat yourself up for having a child out of wedlock. Believe me, getting married won't bring true happiness, love, committment, a great father; everything we all dream of a marriage. Many people get married because they have a child, which a marriage will work out only because both parties want it more than 100% for the right reasons of being married, and put their all into to it to make it work. I think it was good for you to move out with your child when he did not want to get married. You need to ask yourself why you want to be married besides the confirmation thing of having a child through marriage; there is so so much more to marriage than having a child through wedlock. Maybe you can do some research on the web, google, to see what marriage is all about. If you are very young, there is not need to rush into it. Like I tell myself and others, getting married is like signing on a credit card line, very easy, and painless; but getting divorced is like going through hell and back in some cases. You really got to think about it, marriage should in no way be taking lightly.