Not Fluent In Men Language

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2011
Not Fluent In Men Language
Sun, 01-09-2011 - 6:53pm

Hey how are all of you? Hope all is well and I would like to thank you all for any advice that is given. I will try to be as simple as possible.

So I started seeing this guy in Feb. We weren't technically dating but we were doing everything that a couple would do. I fell for him and we were together all teh time. Then some things happened in may and we basically stopped communicating. I still care about him and so I reached out to him on facebook. He responded and we have been communicating every now and again since October. When he3 was first calling me he would say that he was nervous about calling me bc he didn't know if I had company or if I were busy. He just showed up at my house on another occassion bc I didn't call him back like I said I would. I told him how I still love him and things like that. He said that he was shocked that I still felt that way for him and he would of thought I had moved on by now. Around his birthday I sent him a card and he never responded. I texted him and called him w/ no answer. So the last time I texted him I told him that I sent him a card and just wanted to know if he got it and to have a happy birthday bc apparently he didn't want to be bothered. He texted me saying, "No wait, I'm just getting on the plan, I'll call you when I get in town".

He called me a couple days later and tanked me for the card. Then started talking about how it's going on a yr that we've known one another and talking about how we used to be up under each other all the time and it wasn't a bad thing, Then he started talking about my cooking and how he loved majority of what I cooked and he loved coming to my house bc we wouldjust hang out doing nothing but enjoy one another's company. He said he still had the shirt I got him for Valentine's Day......I don't know what the point of that convo was.

Then on New Years Eve he called me. Said that 2010 started out great but close to the end was nothing but a lot of drama. Then he said that no matter what I stood beside him, loved him, when he turned his back I was still there and I never changed or stopped being me and that he apologized for everything and also apologized for not accepting my apology. He said that when I told him off I was talking to him like I didn't know him so when I told him I loved him he didn't think I did bc how could you love someone you act like you don't know. He's not the type to speak on his feelings or open up much but he did. He went on to say that he refused to end 2011 being alone like this yr and that he's getting to old. Said he was going to be alone for the better part of 2011. I called him since and he called me back saying he was @ work and would call later. Just real quick. He never called. So I sent him a msg and told him that I know he's busy and I was just seeing if he was ok and how he was doing and that I was sorry for bothering him. He never responded. What was the point of all of that and what should I do next? I'm not desperate. I genuinely love him and I put all my cards out on the table the last time we talked so he knows how I feel, I'm so frustrated........Please help!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 1:11pm

Do nothing. Start to date other people.

Continually texting, calling and Emailing is the absolute best way to push someone away. Stop. You're acting desperate (and I can tell it's because you are). Take a step back and look at this situation... You're dealing with a guy who is consistently inconsistent with his feelings and his communication. Things didn't really work. He poured out some very confusing statements to you basically out of gratitude that you sacrificed yourself so that he could act like a brat, and now he isn't responding to you anymore.

Have you considered that you're giving WAY TOO MUCH to men? This man has given you absolutely nothing in return. You can't count on him or rely on him. If he tries to disappear from your life, YOU are the one to reach out to him and reel him back in. Don't you get tired of that? Wouldn't you rather have someone who takes initiative?

This guy has no idea what he wants in his dating life, and he is not that into you. No matter how you want to read his statements, and no matter what you want to think. His actions have spoken for him since May. Pay attention to how he's treated you, you weren't even in a relationship.

Let go!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Mon, 01-10-2011 - 2:02pm

....."I genuinely love him and I put all my cards out on the table the last time we talked so he knows how I feel".....

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