Ok a Mans advice is TRULY needed HELP

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
Ok a Mans advice is TRULY needed HELP
7
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 3:36pm


Making this as short as possible......
My boyfriend of 5 1/2 yrs broke up with me this past saturday morning....we have had our problems, everyone does. But this time I think its truly the end.

These last few wks he kept coming up with what I call pathetic reasons to break up with me "before the weekends". So of course I finally got fed up. I kept telling myself if he does it again this weekend I wont take it anymore. Especially cuz every weekend that he does this to me something cool is going on at his friends houses. Party's, big get togethers and BBQ's. We had a discussion about it in the past when were trying to work things out I told him that I need to be a part of his outings sometimes too. I dont mind giving him his space as I always did but he never brought me along, Especially Big parties where his friends bring their girlfriends and other friends along, I felt really left out because I dont have many friends and usually got stuck home drinking by myself and he would come over to MY HOUSE after the parties. It wasnt fair, we had a talk about it, So he promised me he would take me along from now on

we had an incident at the store a few days after where these random girls came up to him and was like hey what are you doing here after he had been hanging out earlier at a friends house and he said Oh i ran into the "homegirl" I was sooooo pissed off that he didn't introduce me as his girl friend apparently there were all hanging out earlier at his friends house in my neighborhood...I was so upset I didnt even wnat to be with him but he cried and begged and took me back to his friends house and introduced me to the girls and anyone else that was there that didnt know me yet. After that things were good.....

.... but then he started breaking up with me right b4 the weekends, I think its his way to not bring me along. Then sure enough late nite(anywhere from 11-3 am if not later) he would call me apologize and beg to come over I allowed it and then we would hang, go to sleep wake up the next day and he would want to leave afternoon time and before he left make a fuss over something dumb. It would then lead to a fight and he would break up...same broken record. Always in time for the weekends.

Well this past weekend he did the same old crap saturday morning, I said Im finally done with it if he is serious about not being with me then Im going to put my foot down and I wont give in anymore that I would not pick up his calls, and that he better not think he can come back to me after the weekend, trying to come over during the week playing the friend card with me (cuz that is what he says and then it leads to sex and then to us getting back together, its an awful pattern).Just to party without me.

So this happend this past Saturday morning. Later that night "HE" called twice I didn't pick up!! I said why so he can try to apologize and convince me to come over again. Im not letting him get his way this time. I made thru the weekend

Sunday I had a missed call from an unknown number about 9pm ish . Monday I picked up a black call with no answer on the other end so I think it may have been him.(It could have been him not sure no messages were left.) I really love him and want it to work out between us but I let him go too far and now Im putting my foot down. I dont know what to do Im lost for words and keep looking at my phone cant eat or sleep.

I guess Im hoping this teaches him a lesson. I guess my goal is to make him suffer longer than a weekend without me and maybe then he'll realize I aint playing and that he needs to be 100% serious about making it work. im trying to scare him and give him a small taste of what it really feels to not have me, not talk to me...how long should I do this for??? I dont want to loose him for good, but he needs to learn his lesson :(

My problem....... Im truly hurting inside Its not like I want it to be the end I just wanted him to see he cant step all over me. And I feel like that is what he has been doing becuase he knows he can come back when ever and I take him back. I guess I didnt think he would be this strong with the No contact thing given that he called me saturday nite and I didnt pick up and I think it may have been him Monday from that blocked#. But its Wed already...Im sooo crushed that he seems to be doing better than me. He should have came crawling back by now.....Whats my next step. Im starting to loose myself, my strength

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2010
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 3:44am
Oh my, you've got it bad. Maybe try
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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2007
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 7:28pm

Listen - I'll cut to the chase - other posters are correct and games at your age is like a teen..;....;sorry


Dump him and go on - I promise you that you will surviive and get over this idiot

Denise

Denise

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 2:18pm

Wow....I hope you don't take this the wrong way when I say that you guys are way too old to be playing this game. Sheesh.

You need to take some space from him, take the focus off of him and put it back onto you. What do you like to do? What do you do in your spare time besides drink alone (that's not healthy, BTW) and worry about your so-called boyfriend breaking up with you and then trying to get you back? What do you do for work? Do you like sports? Art? Reading? Check out groups and clubs and activities in your area and start trying to meet some new people. Give yourself at least two weeks of doing this.

He may or may not call you in that time. If he does, tell him that you need a break from all of this because you need to think about what you really want and whether you should stay with someone who doesn't value you or treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

At the end of your time out, you can see if he's willing to talk about your relationship and what has been going on. You may find that you don't even want to consider continuing any sort of relationship with him. But take this chance you have given yourself by not taking his calls and give yourself the headspace to decide. Because it sounds like you two have a terribly unhealthy relationship.

I'm not a guy, but I think any guy would say that when they lose respect for a girl, it takes more than a few missed calls to get it back. I also think that you can't lose a guy who really wants to be with you (and who is actually a worthwhile guy) by standing up for yourself and establishing boundaries as to how you will and will not be treated.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2010
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 10:36am

This hurts so much but I need as much truth as possible. Im 29 he 33. He hasnt been treating me this way for 5 yrs. Its been maybe going on 2 months. We have been back and forth before earlier this yr

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 8:13am

Hi there. Wow, he's so immature! Why would you want someone like that back into your life? You deserve so much more than what he has to offer. He's been doing this to you for over 5 yeras and you've put up with it? Why? Sure you may be in love with him, but he's certainly not in love with you.


How old are the two of you? I would say to just continue ignoring his calls or anything that has to do with him. Go out, find your own friends and move on with your life. It's obvious he's only using you for sex. But hey, if that's what you want, go for it.


You've talked about this in the past with him and he supposedly changed for a bit, but how many times do you need to go through this before you realize he's not into you.



friendscopy.jpg picture by nhgal2006


"Never take someone for granted. Hold every person
close to your heart because you might wake up
one day and realize that you've lost a diamond
while you were too busy collecting stones."



28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Thu, 07-29-2010 - 4:20am

The next step is to continue not taking his calls, continue avoiding contact with him, and if you do find yourself talking to him, hang up or remove yourself from being around him! Frankly I have no idea why you've lasted with someone for so long that has treated you so badly. I don't understand why you are prepared to be some anonymous nothing in the background that's only used when he wants to use you up until now. What kind of a relationship do you have with someone that goes out partying and leaves you at home drinking alone? Sheesh.

Demand better things for yourself. Value yourself. And get over this guy and move on. It's been so long and so much water has gone under this bridge that this guy isn't ever going to treat you like you want. Oh he might say that for the first few weeks of getting back together but I think that even saying weeks is optimistic. Things will go back to what they were - at least until he finds someone that he likes more than you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
Wed, 07-28-2010 - 8:32pm

How old are you two? You seem to be playing very immature games.


Do you really want a guy back that treats you that way?


I seriously don’t think he’s going to find that respect you’re looking for over a week period, if ever at all...


Have you ever had a mature discussion about these events, how they make you feel, or do you just play back and forth games....


If you can’t communicate for a start, then i don’t think your relationship has much going for it....


You seem to like being with him, and continue accepting him back, because it sounds as though you feel he is your only (or one of a few) friends.... I think both of you have an element of “need” to fill in a void in your life...Having each other around as a “security blanket” so you have something to do, does not make for a good or prosperousrelationship.....

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