OK .. trying this again ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
OK .. trying this again ...
8
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 8:01am

I am back to these boards after a LONG hiatus looking for a little advice.  Hoping that the guys can better advise me than what I heard at the SINGLES board.

I am 50+ and a whole lot different than most 50+ women. I ride a Honda VTX1300R, lift weights three times a week (not to bulk but to tone), fish and kayak reguarly, and generally enjoy more guy type activities so I do meet men out there. I am also still hot enough that my children's friends hit on me.  I'm intelligent, successful in everything BUT relationships and kind. Most women hate me (until they really get to know me, my true friends are loyal), most guys love me.

Here is my dilemma. WHY can't I get a 50+ year old man to call me on a date?!?!  Don't they do that anymore?  I would really rather date someone in my age range although the thoughts of this are quickly going down the drain. I broke up with someone that I truly do consider my soulmate three years ago and I didn't really start thinking about getting out there again until the past couple of years although I admit, I put no real effort into it thinking it would just happen (never been single for more than a few months). Now I am putting in the effort and even though I have met and hung out with a few 50+ men that I would really like to get to know better, they never initiate contact even though when they are with me they are like 'you are so great'. I am trying to change the way I think and contact them, but it is hard. Whenever I do reach out, they respond though so it isn't that they don't want to see me. But why don't they contact me? I haven't had a real date in two years and this is getting a bit old. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 9:46am
I'm a guy, but not near 50 yet. What does seem clear in that bracket, though, is that many of these guys have already gone through the past relationship/marriage mistakes, the kids are growing up, life is passing by fast and their heads are all scrambled from it. At this time in life, their focus are on enjoying the solitude and doing the things they like - in other words, they don't have to listen to how fishing is stupid or why-don't-we-ever-go-out-anymore or do-you-have-to-watch-that-game, or discussing of issues, socks can be left in the living room, etc. They've been there for all that and want some lengthy relief from it, the motivation is gone. Not saying any of these guys are prizes to be so particular in their tastes, just trying to give perspective.
 
But guys are guys and if a 20 or 30 year old can be scored, well, that still ranks high and the effort will happen despite any drama that could happen too or the high percentage of delusion on the guy's part that something will occur. So even if you're in shape, your age will be seen as a take it or leave it situation. Sure, if you call and put in some effort, they'll go. But unless they are naturally relationship driven, that most likely is all it will be for a very long time until the later years in life start encouraging people to head fast for companionship.
 
It sounds like you have some kick in you, the 40's might be a better place to look at.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 11:24am

That's an interesting perspective, JT & I think you are onto something.  I think a lot of middle aged men who are just coming out of a divorce or relationship just like the idea of freedom & not being tied down and just want casual dating--funny thing they dont' realize is that a lot of middle aged women feel the same way.  But I think men always assume that women want to get married again or get into a serious relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Fri, 08-03-2012 - 12:31pm

Your post makes sense JT.  It pretty much paralells what I am seeing too.  FYI ... when I said younger ... 40 is what I meant and I think I am heading that way. Just got to quit telling those guys that they are too young for me :smileyhappy:  .  Don't want to rob the cradle and I don't care if I actually get in a 'relationship' or not so that may work. I don't want someone to take care of me, I do that fine, just someone fun to hang out with.  Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 9:55pm

We get that you are hot.  But your dilemma is not unusual for someone in her 50s.  Most men cannot get past the number, no matter how good you look.  Not to sound glib, but join the club.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 3:43am

I didnt want to say it but I think I agree with you G.. I think its good if we look good when older but lets face it cant change the number on our birth certificate and the real world doesnt deal with the aging process so well. Its just pure stark reality and unless you are a movie star or famous person age is not just a number and the dating pool shrinks and shrinks.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Fri, 08-10-2012 - 7:46am

From what I have been reading in the posts by the older women ... I get it ... good thing I actually like to be alone. Single really isn't so bad for me since I have a lot of different interests. If I start feeling too lonely I'll just go hang out with some of my married friends and REMEMBER why I like being single lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 11:32am

I don't think I'd be going out on a limb if I was to say you sound like a pretty proactive chick. Why wait to be approached? Continue participating in all of those activities you enjoy and I'll bet the perfect guy will "mysteriously" show up one day (the universe has a way of bestowing these little gifts when we're following our true path). So, when he does, acknowledge it. And get your butt over there and claim your prize. Communicate w/ him, being noone but yourself and if he's a little too intimidated to ask you out, be the cool fearless lady you are and make it happen. Disclaimer: I fully admit to having always been old-fashioned about this myself (I'm 34) and never approaching or pursuing a man. Then I started online dating this past year and since I seem to have a  knack for weeding out the wackos, I've had a great experience and the control is ALL MINE. Know something? Feels frickin' amazing : ) You should try it. Good luck, not that you'll need it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2007
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 12:45pm
Awesome advice Mav ... and I am trying to be more proactive and I do think it is working better. If I see a guy I like now ... I go up to him and say hi. Things are looking up :smileyhappy: Amazing how good it feels.

Thanks!