online drama: romantic & otherwise
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|Sat, 08-24-2013 - 3:32pm|
I have this online community of 'friends' most of whom are involve in the indie creative fields. One particularly charismatic guy became a social network friend and I added him on a 'friends only' blog I kept. The blog is mostly the artistic mundane, however, years earlier was a bonafide tell-all diary. To my horror he occassionaly sub-mentions (using peer metaphor w/directly mentioning names) it openly in public posts. He was also in a committed relationship so after some open online talk, he toned his randy behavior down. For a while it went smoothly, I got to know his friends, sig others and added them on and so on.
Problem 1: A well known creative couple (I met onece) seemed to be lurking online (commenting on gossip in 'our' circle etc...she's more on the 'in' than me ). The woman suddenly seemed to take an amorous turn with my online friend and I got jealous. It was getting pretty rauchy via call/response messages. When she saw my connection w/my friend she got really snarky about me via sub-tweets. Suddenly there's something wrong with me bc I'm single & they are not (their sig other have lighty protested of the 'affair' but not to a large extent). Somehow that made me the 'acceptable target' for being "the wasps nest", "not a free thinker", the undesirable. Even if I try to be honest "this is hurting me" it comes off as being manipulative. This, of course has seriously hurt my feelings as I am not as socially savvy online. So after 3 years of a friendship that brought good interaction, it feels like Ive been betrayed & snarked at online without hesitation by more influential people, the guy of whom I at least thought as a more honest friend. It's all open online after all. And because the chatter is so clandenstine, no one expect those mostly affected, (me, super-close firends & the sig others) really see it.
Problem 2: I met one of these male creatives at an art fair in real life and we flirted. Unfortunately after a few weeks I added him to my networks & he's in a relationship. He continues to flirt heavily heavily online and to my dismay my friend (I think) offers him tidbits of my diary. This is where my enabling gets in the way, I like them both and didnt stop it, but was also really distraught about having personal information almost "sexted" without my explicit permission. I dm'd the first guy to stop sharing and met the male creative I liked in real life again, and true to form for someone in a relationship...he totally ignored me. I was so so hurt. He still kept flirting online. But even as I dm-d to tell him, he's great but he's gotta stop, the messege got passed around and snarked upon publically (even by the woman of problem 1 who essentially has nothing to do with it)
This part of a circle of creatives (not the entire section but a known part) I wanted to be a part of, and I dont think all intentions are necessarily evil but more...self interested. ON the other hand, some of the snarkyness has that freudian slip quality about it and was targeted to hurt. Also both guys are extremely flirty despite their relationship status. This is a world where I feel a bit 'sold out' here other than feeling betrayed and distancing myself dont know what to do.