Overanalyzing the distance?

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Overanalyzing the distance?
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 12:09pm

Well, obviously I could use some advice. I've been dating someone for a little more than three months now. I've never fallen for someone so quickly. I'm always the one who takes things slow and doesn't need to rush, but this just happened. It was scary at first because of how quick it was, but I pushed forward and things have been great. We've been comfortable together from the start. The relationship definitely is no where near perfect though. I'm aware of his flaws and have been since the beginning, but I've accepted those and I still love him for it.

Recently things got very confusing and now he's distant. I haven't seen him in two weeks. He had left for vacation with family and when he got back it's like everything slowly started to change. Being a woman I can't help but think part of it is me being anxious and paranoid. Any woman starts to freak out when she thinks she's losing someone she loves. Any way, the first two days he was on vacation we talked a little. He would tell him he missed me all day and wanted to know what I had been doing and so on. Then suddenly he stopped texting at all. I figured he was just having fun and was busy or maybe he ran out of international texts since he had left the country. I'd send him a text each day just being affectionate. Something like "Miss you" or "I hope you're having fun" or "I can't wait till you're home." Once he was back I saw that he was posting pictures that he was back in the states, but he didn't text me at all. A day later he did and he told me he was sick. For another two days he was distant and I was nervous. Turns out he really was sick and when I mentioned he was being distant he got irritated and pointed out that it's because he wasn't feeling well. He had never been so distant before when he was sick.

Later that night he went out with friends and knew I was out with my friends as well. There was a huge celebration going on in my city, but he lives 30 minutes away. Later that night he called me like he always does when he goes out on a weekend, but we ended up in a big fight. He had come to the festival and was a block away from me that whole night and didn't tell me. He said his phone had died and he had drank too much. He also seemed irritated that I had gone out and thought that I was lying about not going out durring the day. He was irrational and said we were over, but then would call 5 minutes later asking more questions and discussing it all over again. The next morning he called me to talk and make sure we're okay. He kept telling me he loves me and misses me. After the phone call I saw pictures posted from throughout the night. Out of irritation I asked him how his phone was off if he was posting pictures on Instagram and he said his friends have iphones too.

Ever since then it's been more distance off and on. He'll take hours to text me back. He doesn't always call me affectionate names when he always did before. He hasn't told me he loves me first in a week when he used to say it multiple times a day. One day he asked why I was being distant. I feel like part of it is us reading the others distance, but I'm worried that he doesn't care anymore. I'm torn between giving him the space that he's creating or to keep showing him I'm making an effort. He's not a guy who asks for space he's gotten upset with me before for not texting him often enough. On the other hand I feel like if he wanted to end it he would just come out and say that like he did while we were fighting. He's always been hard for me to read. Help I can't stop overanalyzing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 08-12-2012 - 7:05pm

He's loosing interest in you.    There may be some bits of him which still want you around, but all in all, he's in the process of moving on.

Gilliecakes, you sound young.  And part of growing is gaining life experience.  As painful as it is, let me reassure you that this is all totally normal.   Most of us have many relationships - some long - some brief - before finding 'the one'.  

I gave my daughter a piece of advice for when she starts dating:  don't accept less than what you have with your BFF.    You know how your best friend is reliable, how she calls when she says she will, how she and you just seem to 'get' each other, how you can read her so easily.....THIS is what you should be looking for in a relationship.    Anything less should be kicked to the kerb.

You seem to be waiting for him to make up his mind or show some direction.   I suggest that YOU take the lead here and make a decision.   If it's not working for you, end it.   Don't leave it up to him to decide the future of this relationship.    You'll feel far better when you're back in control of your own life.

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 08-14-2012 - 4:25pm


   Welcome to the board.

   I agree with true blue.