Phone Calls To Ex
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Phone Calls To Ex
| Tue, 02-27-2007 - 11:18am |
So this is the deal. Me and this guy have been seeing eachother for a month exclusively. We both recently got out of long term relationships. We have been friends for a while and work together. Our company has company cell phones. Which I receive the monthly bill for. So we get the bill yesterday for the past month & he has spoken to his ex on the phone 109 times!! She has kids that he is attached to and he does call to talk to them sometimes. But not 109 times & not at 5am. So I know he is calling to talk to her. Since we've been friends for over a year, I know he doesn't love her & only stayed becuase it was convient. That is common knowledge with everyone he knows. He would never go out with her. Wouldn't bring her to any company functions, nothing. So I know he doesn't lover her anymore. But there must be some type of connection there. Why would he feel the need to talk to her so much when he says he doesn't have any feelings for her & constantly tells me he is in love with me? I just don't get it & don't know what to do. Please help!!

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Thank you. I know in my head that you are right. Its just hard to tell your heart the same thing. Sometimes you need someone else to say it, so you actually listen. Thank you.
Did things get any better? Were you able to resolve the issue?
I do agree with the previous poster. Something doesn't make sense to you about his behavior for a reason - because it doesn't make sense!! I can see that and I'm not the one that's with him. I would just be open with him - tell him what you saw, and I'm sure he'll start to give you the same explanations about I never loved her, her kids, etc...
But don't let him make you think that you are making up problems. You are not being crazy - calling that many times is a huge red flag, and you are being smart to question it. You should actually feel great that you were able to find this out now, when you've only been with him a short time. It will save you much heartache in the future.
I wish I read your post before I ended up in my predicament. My self esteem isnt destroyed but I dont trust him as far as I can through him. We are still living together until I can find other arrangements for me and my children. HIs first BM has helped destroy what was left of this relationship. I begged him to go for visistation and child support. We all lived in the same state at the time. He would not seek visitation because he did not want to go on child support. He finally did file for visitation and of course she begged him not to take it in the courts. He agreed with her and decided not to. Just another way for her to have control. He told her that he wanted to make our relationship work and we were all on three way at the time. She said she would leave our family alone. Which I knew it was bullcrap because in actuality she had a family with him too. She has also called my children "ugly monkeys" and how "she can always have him". I should have left him right then and there. But we decided to move out of state and start anew but even 1000 miles a way she started her bullcrap yet again. She would call and hang up and one time had the audacity to call me a bitch.
It is funny you should say "She will intentionally leave the kids on him in your home every weekend so you will have no private time."
She told my boyfriend that he has to keep the children, starting in April until she can find an apartment. Currently she is living with her parents. He finally discussed it with me and I told him to tell her to leave the children with his mother or sister because they are more willing to help her. At first he was not going to listen to me but his mother told him that all she is trying to do is ruin your household. I know how stressed out she is with the children but my household comes first. He did understand and he told her to wait until the summer or let the children stay with his sister. But she said no I want you to watch them. I know what her motives are anybody can see. She is bitter that he choose to be with me over her. If I was her I would be too. She had choices she knew he would not be with her after he had the first child with her, why would you go and have a second child knowing he is with someone else? I did not find out about her second child until he was six months old and I stayed to work things out. I realize that both of us have to deal with his choice and I have to deal with mine which was obviously poor judgement on my part.
I can say this he has called only to speak to the children and makes all his phone calls in front of me but I told him it does not matter I will never trust him again, never! Our relationship is done and over. The only thing that is keeping me from leaving is employment.
Venting on ivillage seems like the only thing that keeps me sane. I am glad that you had such good support during your time and hopefully your post will give me the needed strength to leave.
BTW, she did take him to child support but sadly for the children they did not give her the amount she was asking for. He was sending her a certain amount a month and she wanted more and it backfired in her face. She received less than what he was sending monthly.
To all or many posting on this thread:
The posts speak to the immaturity of all parties involved. Everyone is pointing fingers at everyone else and noone is taking responsibility for themselves and THEIR actions.
If a woman chooses to be sexually active it is HER responsibility to protect herself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. If she ALLOWS herself to be talked off of birth control and gets pregnant it is HER responsibility. Really, what the he!! could a woman be thinking to allow herself to get knocked up by a little boy playa.
There was another post here recently where a young woman let things move along with a guy, invited him up to her place and then he stopped because HE didn't have protection (actually a pretty mature and responsible move on his part.) I'm thinking WTF???????Why doesen't EVERY sexually active young woman have protection available for HERSELF????? ESPECIALLY if she is going to play the game and invite the guy up???? YOU CAN BUY CONDOMS BY THE CASE FOR GOSH SAKES!!!!!
YOUR BODIES. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!!!
Not EVERY man that has children with another woman is a lying cheater. Not every "baby momma" is a troublemaker. In MATURE relationships the ADULTS all act in the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN!!! In fact I know many mature relationships where all parties have moved on to new relationships, they consider the stepparents BONUS parents and personal friends, coparents in the upbringing of their children. They plan holidays, vacations and school activities TOGETHER as one large extended family. But of course it requires MATURITY and a little SELFLESSNESS from all the alleged ADULTS in the situation.
So once the posters all GROW UP a little bit there is the possibility of relationships with people that do have children.
All I'm seeing here is a lot of finger pointing, blame shifting and lack of responsibility on the part of everyone.
So go ahead and stereotype ALL men with children and their exes if you need to to feel better. But remember YOU are someones babymomma too. So should we assume you want to make life hell for the next woman, dump your children off to go party and give he and his new partner no private time and that noone should ever date you because you have children and an ex? That ex would HOPEFULLY always be a part of your childrens life then therefore be a part of your new boyfriends life as well.
Take responsibility for yourselves girls. You lay down with dogs you are liable to get fleas. YOUR BODIES. YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to have birth control, use it and not make babies with babies.
Guess what? When you become a parent it's not about YOU anymore, it's not about HIM anymore, it's not about previous HIMS/HERS anymore. It's time for the me, me, me, my, my, my , I, I, I attitudes to be over and the focus to be on the right thing for the kids. They have no choice but to be dragged through whatever crap and drama their parents drag them through. How pathetic for these children. In 20 years they will be going through the same dysfunction, same unplanned pregnancies, same dramas, because children learn what they live and this is what you are teaching your children.
I do agree that if you are not willing to be a mature, responsible bonus to the children in a partners life then find someone without kids. But at some point everyone needs to grow up and take responsibility for their own actions. you eliminate anyone with kids, well you are eliminated too.
Remember when you are pointing a finger at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at you.
This is a good place to vent but if you can pop out babies, it's time to play grownup.
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