pl give me some advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
pl give me some advice
30
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 2:18pm

I have been with my bf for 1 yr and 5 months. We are really fit for each other very well.

Recently we decided to talk about our future, cz we both felt it's time to move our rela to next step. He knew I wanna marriage, and a family with him. Then he asked me to give him 1 week to think about it carefully, and figure out all things.And during the period, we will not meet, not call, no message. I thought for a while, and said Ok, I will give both of us 10 days to do so. After all, marriage is not an easy decision. Today is the 2nd day.

My question here is that: I am not sure whether he was serious about his suggestion--will he think about related stuff carefully during the 10 days? or Has he already make a decision, but just use the 10-day period as a way of being far from me emotionally?

Pl give me some advice, thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 3:38pm

Eagle, how frustrating this must be for you.

To be honest, I think if he needs 10 days to figure it out, then his heart isn't truly for you. When we love and want to be with someone forever, it should be an instinctive thing in our heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 5:29pm
I did think about the situation you talked about. yet, marriage is an important and complicated thing. For guys who made commitment to their gfs, I am pretty sure b4 they proposed to their gfs, they already have thought about all stuff related to marriage for long time. I have never talked about marriage with my bf b4, this time I thought it is right to time to talk about it, and he did not expect I suddenly referred it to him, and it is reasonable for him to make all things clear, himself, his family, his job,...., the same as me, I also have to think about anything that may affect the marriage. Of course, I do not deny your advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 7:07pm

I agree with Blue. Telling you he wants to be out of contact for ten days is silly game-playing and if he really wanted to marry you, it wouldn't be necessary at all.

"For guys who made commitment to their gfs, I am pretty sure b4 they proposed to their gfs, they already have thought about all stuff related to marriage for long time."

Talk to any guy who is happily married. He knew pretty early on that his wife was "the one" and that he'd eventually marry her.

This situation sounds like some romantic comedy where you and he would split for 10 days and ultimately find other people you like better. This isn't how the real world works. Why does he need to stop talking to you for that long? Is your presence that distracting for him? I just don't think this is a really mature or realistic way of thinking about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Sun, 02-07-2010 - 10:51pm

I got sth funny: He just dropped me a line saying that: since the valentine's day is coming, maybe we'd better start talking about it from 15th this month. I feel a bit like "negotiation". Honestly, my feeling to his is suddenly not as strong as b4.

I replied by saying: I respect you and your way, and keep promise not to contact u for 10 days. valentine's day is not important for me now, just a holiday. Respect is mutual, you should do what u said b4 during the period. If sth you cant make decision, we will figure out together when meet. Good night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 6:53am

Listen, A guy knows right off the bat if you are the one. He doesn't need to got into a cave and think about it for 10 days!!!! I would take this oppertunity to RUN.


What an idiot! Either you love someone and you want to spend every second with them for the rest of your life or you don't. It's plain and simple. It's not like buying a house or a car. Do really think he has not thought about this? Every man thinks about to marry or not to marry with EVERY woman they are with. If you believe your man hasn't then you are with the only man on the planet in the history of mankind who hasn't.

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 9:16am
My bf is from asia, honestly, he does not have much deposit, and his family does not support him much in terms of finance. I am not a material girl, so I do not care about his financial situation. He is now studying for master degree in a college, and his job now does not pay much. I am not sure whether the financial stuff is an important reason that makes him hesitate. (I got my master degree 2 years ago, and now work in a middle size company, so I told him not to worry about financial sth)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 10:32am

eagle, what you've just said to ItalyBiker doesn't make an ounce of difference.

His financial situation, his parents, his education, they don't have anything to do with how he feels about you. A man who loves and wants to marry a woman (or vice versa) feels that way in spite of all the other obstacles he has in his life. If he wanted to marry you he would know it by now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 11:00am
I know it! although he tried best to help me usually, and said love me so much a few times, and his attitude was so sincere. He lied to me b4 by saying Love me? cz I heard if a guy really loves you, he will marry you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2007
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 11:59am
I was still working on my specialty training when I asked my wife to marry me. I had no money and she just got out of college and had an entry level job. Still had nothing to do with how we felt and still feel about each other. All those things, money family are excuses.
My mother did not like my wife at first . Didn't matter to me. I loved her. I wasn't marrying my mother. Guys say these things because deep down they don't want to get married. That is why I said leave now
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Mon, 02-08-2010 - 12:15pm

Thanks for ur advice!

He knew I bought my own unit in an apt without mortgage, have my own deposit, and I will not expect spend his money, just wanna a guy with good personality to care and love me. So obviously finance is not a problem, although it is all my money, I do not mind take most financial responsibility b4 he finds a good job.

I just wanna ask: if you guys said Love gfs but do not want to propose to them, those guys are lying to their gfs by saying "love" , right?

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