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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Sat, 08-04-2012 - 11:19pm

First off hello all! Secondly I have been seeing this guy for almost a year now. We have known eachother mutally until just about a year ago. How do you know if he is a player or not? I wanna believe what he says but I don't want to be in any trouble if he has other girls. I want to be The girl for him. I am currently going to college, whenever I come home sometimes we have sex, but I am home for the summer and things are different of course. Whenever I ask him to give it to me he hardly answers, but yet when he wants it I give it to him. The sex is great most of the time, I admit once in a blue moon it is not great. Any takers for advice????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to:
Sat, 08-04-2012 - 11:51pm

smi, you haven't given us much to go on.   What are some of the things he does which make you doubt his words?   

Why are things different for summer?   And what does "Whenever I ask him to give it to me he hardly answers, but yet when he wants it I give it to him" mean?  

Generally speaking, I know that I'm THE GIRL when it's automatically assumed that he's spending Fri and Sat night and some of the weekend with me.   .

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to:
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 12:42pm

I assume he tells you that he's not seeing anyone else.  So:

1) does he introduce you to his friends as his girlfriend?
2) when he's not with you, do you generally know what he's doing?

3) on a weekend night are you together or is he hanging out in a bar w/ his guy friends?

4) do you do a lot of things together besides having sex?

By the way, I really wouldn't want a partner who would only have sex when he initiated it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 10:48am

As the mother of a 23 yr old DD, I would say have more respect for yourself than to settle for an arrangement like this which is basically that you are giving sex to the guy whenever he wants it and not getting anything from him--he probably has no respect for you.  My DD was in this one relationship in college where the guy never wanted to say that they were BF/GF and of course they had sex.  He had been burned in a past relationship & I think it was more that he was putting up a wall, not that he was with a bunch of other women.  so they would hang out at frat parties & stuff like that, and she did go to a formal with him, but they didn't really date.  finally she got fed up & told him that she actually did want a relationship.  Then she met another guy who treated her really nicely--he took her on dates, they would spend a lot of time together and they have been together more than  a year.  Now they are long distance because she had to move to get a new job but he's on vacation this week & spending it w/ her, so maybe it will work out.  But he's a very nice guy--you can tell he really likes her and he's not just in it for sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
In reply to: honestgirl31
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:38pm

FWB...never ever do that.I did it...really liked the guy....actually fell in love with him and I STILL trying to get over him.We all deserve to be with people who want to know more about us..besides just having sex...we need to be with people who will respect us.Sometimes those people don't know a good thing if it were to hit them in the head a thousand times!!

Good luck !

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
In reply to: xxxs
Wed, 08-08-2012 - 1:06am

Hi Welcome to the board.

   I have had FEW and sex buddies the main thing is is it reciprocal.  When it is only when one person wants it is not balanced.  When one has the feeling that it is unbalanced then that needs to be talked out.  Summer is always a problem.  That is where the saying "summer love" comes from.  Because when summer ends so does the "summer love". 

   Another item.  Changing from a booty call relationship to a "dating relationship" requires negotiation and the ability to hear the other person.  It could mean that there was misunderstanding in the inception or feelings have changed on both sides.