please advice me? I'm confused....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
please advice me? I'm confused....
7
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 8:45pm

well i know this guy for about 6months now...we study together....since the day i met him....i am not sure if he likes me or not but i have a huge crush on him.....we both are in our late 30s..its not like we're in teens..but whenever we meet up for studies...he tries to find out if i am intrested in someone....met someone lately......or sometime he's forcing me to go out and date....find some guy to settle...and if i tell him i met someone just as friends over the weekend he gets jealous and suddenly he has to leave for something....and next time we're chatting out of no-where he brings that person in our conversation as taunting..."so why not go and have fun with ur guy friend"......also its weired.....cuz whenever i try to shake hands with him...his hands are cold...one time i tried to hug him.....he punched me accidently....his hand hit my lips area..it was bad......he got all red and quiet...didn't even apologize to me.........he's weried...i never calls him until its necessary to do so....but he calls me everyday, before going to bed at night, or going to work or on his way back to home...txt me every few hour or so to find out what am i upto....asked me out few times on dinner and movies but due to exams we both delayed the plan for later....but am i going crazy here or he has a crush on me too? please advice me what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 10:11pm

well Angel, you said something twice ... "he is weird" that sounds like a gut instinct, and it is always a good idea to listen to those.

My take on him based on what you have written: Yes he has a crush on you, but he does not know how to make a move on it, or he has some other issues holding him back. He also seems a little passive aggressive and possessive...

not neccessarily deal-breakers but i'd say just make sure you get to really know and understand him before you commit to much of yourself.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 10:51pm

Hi

  I do not get a good feeling about this.  Your crush may have issues that are better handled by trained counselors.  His lack of social development is a very big red flag.  I suggest you do not pursue this.  His jealous behavior is the big red flag. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 2:34am
Thanks alot for ur comments, i agree with all the issues u have mentioned here.....the reason of this post was to make sure if my instinct is correct.....i think he's shy....lets give him sometime......
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 11-21-2012 - 10:22am

I would say that if a guy asks you on dates, it's pretty clear that he's interested.  If you just delayed going out due to exams, then why haven't you rescheduled?  Frankly his behavior seems more like a high school kid than someone in their late 30's--I wouldn't go for someone like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 3:27am

Angel-

He sounds interested, but also sounds a bit shy and awkward to me. I was very shy and awkward myself once upon a time. Anxiety can cause him to react as he did to you. Has he ever mentioned former girlfriends? He might even still be a virgin.

If you remain interested, you need to be patient with him. Tell him he can take a moment to catch his breath--if you sense he is getting tense. He can grow out of it with the right support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2006
Fri, 11-23-2012 - 10:28am

Thnx to all for ur feedbacks...it helps alot :)

i agree i should give him some more time.....................i guess by passage of time he will come to me at the end......

no he had a girl friend in the past....been through a very bad breakup......but i guess may be that's why he is careful and shy before he gets into something serious like this again.....

 

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 2:58pm

angelt2007 wrote:
<p><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">well i know this guy for about 6months now...we study together....since the day i met him....i am not sure if he likes me or not but i have a huge crush on him.....we both are in our late 30s..its not like we're in teens..but whenever we meet up for studies...he tries to find out if i am intrested in someone....met someone lately......or sometime he's forcing me to go out and date....find some guy to settle...and if i tell him i met someone just as friends over the weekend he gets jealous and suddenly he has to leave for something....and next time we're chatting out of no-where he brings that person in our conversation as taunting..."so why not go and have fun with ur guy friend"......</span><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">also it</span><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">s weired.....cuz whenever i try to shake hands with him...his hands are cold...one time i tried to hug him.....he punched me accidently....his hand hit my lips area..it was bad......he got all red and quiet...didn't even apologize to me......</span><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">...</span><span style="font-family:arial,helvetica,sans-serif; font-size:small">he's weried...i never calls him until its necessary to do so....but he calls me everyday, before going to bed at night, or going to work or on his way back to home...txt me every few hour or so to find out what am i upto....asked me out few times on dinner and movies but due to exams we both delayed the plan for later....but am i going crazy here or he has a crush on me too? please advice me what to do?</span></p>

a grown man in his late 30's acting like a 12 yr old junior high school boy is alarming.

the next time he starts in with his shtick, call him on it. Ask him what he is doing.  If he's the one who wants to date you, then he's old enough to speak up about it.  The fact that he reverts to a bratty adolescent is a huge red flag.